…and just like that I lost my head.
Let me preface this entire blog with this…I know I am crazy right now, but in the best way possible. Two weeks ago I had a very serious prayer with the Lord. To sum it up I basically just praised him for how blessed I am and told him that I was sick of looking for “the one.” Pretty much, after 6 plus years of searching for the right guy, I just stated that I was really at peace with where I am at in my life and that for the time being I was done searching. I surrendered that part of my life to him and said “if it is your will for me to meet someone you will make it happen, but I am just so blessed right now.”

A few days later I met Jamie Reynolds. He truly exemplifies everything that I have ever wanted in a man. He is intelligent, genuine, caring, hilarious (I mean hilarious), easy going, fun, and most importantly a Christian. I will state for the record that we have not known each other that long, which is why the crazy preface was needed, but I don’t care. I feel like I have known him for years. We have long serious deep intimate conversations about life, marriage, children, sex, careers, emotional issues, and family, but he also makes me laugh a lot too. Even though I was seriously interested in him, it wasn’t until Wednesday night (the 25th) that I knew he was “the one.”

That night we talked on the phone for 6 hours about everything under the sun, but one really important issue came up and that is babies. In one of our first conversations he said that he was really set on not having kids, but was really open to adopting. I told him that this bothered me, but decided it might be better to talk about that a little later into the relationship. Last night we were discussing some heavy issues and I brought up the whole “set on not having kids” thing. I said “I really was trying to wait to talk to you about this later, but I just can’t get it out of my head.” (Warning this is where crazy REALLY starts to set in.) He prefaced the conversation with “this will probably get me slashed, but…”He basically explained that due to his father being an alcoholic, some of the health issues that run in his family, and his heart for children in the world with no families he felt that bringing more children into this messed up world was something he couldn’t do. With this in mind and despite that he was a virgin and was not in a relationship, at the age of 24 he got a vasectomy. This was shocking!! Tears started rolling down my face and I became really angry. He was very sensitive and listened to exactly why I was upset with him about this. I explained that doing this without knowing who your future wife would be and just deciding to make such a big decision without her was selfish. I would never get a huge tattoo on my body before (or even after) I got married because my body will be joined with my husbands and the two will become one. I stated that even though I was not anywhere near ready to have kids right now, that I just didn’t know if I could pursue a relationship with someone who I already knew I couldn’t have a child with. I stated this not as a threat but as a question because I really didn’t know. I talked about how precious and miraculous children are and that by making that decision he decided to withhold the greatest gift he could ever give his wife. After all of this he was crying. He never really thought that this decision would affect someone else so deeply because at the time he didn’t foresee himself getting married. I went onto talking about how great of a mother I would be and how conceiving a child can deeply connect a couple. The fact that women crave children despite the intense pain it involves is miraculous. He realized that this decision was related to how he had been living his life by trying to avoid as much pain as possible. Nobody ever knows what is going to happen, but you have to live with hope or you’ll die in the fear. He slowly started saying things like “God is good and he could heal this.” Then he said that after the surgery he was suppose to go back and get tested to see if the procedure worked and he never went back and that he was going to pray and call the urologist to set up a test.

Most women are excited just when a guy returns their phone calls, but they all want “the big gesture.” You know the sign that he really does love you. Last night by the end of our conversation he transitioned from getting the testing to an I love you and I am willing to get the vasectomy reversed if the test results don’t come back good. Wow! What a big gesture! I told him how much that meant to me and he started talking about how beautiful it would be to have children with me and how gorgeous I would look pregnant. This is not your average conversation obviously. It was extremely intimate! I have never felt this close with someone before. I noted that a lot of marriages don’t often survive tough situations like these, but that if we can handle this within our first week of dating than this says a lot about how we can pull through in other tough situations in the future. Just today (Friday) he sent me and e-mail that said “You know, it's funny, for all of my adult life I could never imagine myself having a baby but now that I've met you, part of me can't imagine life without a baby.... We'll work this out, I promise. And never forget, we can do all things in Christ who strengthens us. :).” He even keeps saying “Awww baby!” sometimes when we are on the phone. We have both been doing research and found out that the Vasectomy Reversal Center of North Carolina is only 20 minutes from Greensboro and they have great pricing, considering that reversals are an out of pocket expense and not covered by insurance. Since he got the vasectomy 4 years ago, if he can get it reversed sooner rather than later he has a 50% chance of fixing the issue the first time, although he is younger than most vasectomy reversal cases and the urologist near us uses new technology that should up the odds of being able to fix the situation.

Two weeks ago I never would have dreamed that I would be craving to have a child. Now I can’t stop thinking about it. I still would like to wait to have a child a few years after marriage, but my plans are not Gods plans. Two weeks ago Ellen had a dream that I was pregnant. We had a baby shower at work this week. Also, one of my professors at UNCG that is a such a sweet woman had a baby last semester. I went to visit her and bring some books back to her office. She was showing me baby pictures and started telling me about how she went through In-Vitro and had two miscarriages from it before she naturally conceived. She was telling me all of this and she had no clue what was going on with me. She even said “Emily you should have children when you’re young because the older you get the harder it will be to keep up with them.” Isn’t that crazy?
I really feel like my blog is unbalanced because babies aren’t the only thing we talk about. He is so anxious to meet my parents. After our deep Wednesday night discussion at the end of our conversation he said “well I guess I need to start saving up for a ring.” To which I replied don’t tell me about it, but when you get there talk to Ellen and Rachel and they’ll help you. The other night he said “you have to start buttering up your Mom and your Dad…especially your Dad!” At this point they are planned to meet the weekend before my thesis defense and come to my thesis defense together…that is if I can stay focused enough to finish on time. MUST FINISH ON TIME!!!!

We have jokingly decided that we are going to call our little girl, if we have a little girl, LaFonda! Haha! So funny and of course we would never subject an innocent white child to the torment that would come along with that name, but we always get a good laugh out of it. Another interesting thing about Jamie is he speaks my language. The type of language that I use with my friends is very similar to how he speaks.

His wish is that if this is God’s will that we will be one of those married couples that really exemplify Christ in their lives. My beliefs about a husband’s responsibilities and a wife’s responsibilities are exactly the same as his. I told him that my view on marriage is that if a husband treats his wife like Christ treats the church than there should be no major issues. He agrees. He has already said that I have control over decorating everything in the house and he’ll just write me a check to do it. Haha!! How awesome is that. I don’t think I could marry someone who didn’t trust my taste and wouldn’t let me have free reign…I’m a designer common this is important. Thank God for no Lord of the Rings posters in my room!!! I think I would gag. In the areas where I’m not willing to compromise, he is and vice versa.

He is on his way here right now and I can’t wait. It has been really hard for me to hear him say I love you on the phone and not say it back, but I just really wanted to wait to do it in person. I’m sure that more blogs will follow this one about his upcoming test results and from there when we want to plan for the reversal. I am not jaded in my understanding that this may be permanent! I may never ever be able to naturally conceive if we get married and this would be extremely difficult to handle, but for now we are taking it one day at a time and enjoying dreaming of a future together. He makes me feel like the most beautiful woman on the face of the planet and my feelings are growing deeper and deeper for him each day. Today he said you know “it’s kind of cool that you aren’t the only one that would have to go through something painful for us to have a child.” I have opened my heart to this whole experience and I am on a “love high”. I know that this high won’t last forever and that realism will set in at some point, but I’m enjoying where we are right now and when we get to that realistic stage I think we’ll be prepared for it. If I get hurt in this process, then so be it, but I just can’t imagine him ever hurting me. I already feel really comfortable around him and I can’t wait to just see him tonight. Please keep me in your prayers about everything.

This weekend...sigh...his name is Jamie Reynolds. Yeah, I know its goey, but I don't care. I'm definitely interested in him. I called my mom the morning after our first phone conversations and said "well I found myself a husband." We both had a good laugh about it. Nina has been like "So how's your husband?" and we laugh. In all honesty I'm not sure if he is the one yet, but I could see it getting there with him. Is he perfect? No! Am I perfect? No. Perfect for each other? Yet to be determined, but so far looking hopeful.

But fun was had this weekend! I asked him if he believed in love at first sight and he didn't directly ask the question, but he explained of all the emotions he felt when he saw my picture for the first time. At one point he said "If I could picture the perfect girl for me it would be you! Your beauty, your personality, your intelligence!"

The best part of the weekend was when we went to UNCG's music hall and we locked ourselves in one the practice rooms. He spontaneously made up beautiful music and I turned off the lights, laid on the floor in peace, and let tears roll down my face. Later we made some beautiful music together...on the piano of course. It was so much fun. I really feel relaxed around him.

Not many guys will go to church with you on Sunday mornings and then go to the sex shop in town to buy expensive cologne you love to encourage a Sunday afternoon romp. While I did want to restrain myself it was hard and for the most part I gave up and just let stuff flow. He is definitely not a player or someone who has questionable motives and he seemed a bummed when I told him I wanted to wait to make things exclusive. Sleeping next to him on Saturday night just felt comfortable and cozy. I can't wait to see him again and, yet, I still need to find someway to focus myself on school for the time being.