Soo guess what? Adam told me that he has about a 70% chance that he's going to get mobilized and go to Iraq. We've had discussions about what would happen if this unpleasant occurance was to arrive, and i've always been honest and said that "if you are leaving to go to Iraq than i feel like it's god doing his will, and i need to see other people and continue to live my life. It's not that i don't care about you, because i do, and really it isn't about me not being able to control myself, because i believe i could if i had to...but the main reason would be i just can't put my life on hold for over a year for someone i'm not sure is the one." I just feel like it would be stupid on my part, and i'd regret it. All this of course upsets him and he thinks that i'm not loyal to him, and he'd feel betrayed if he came back and i saw other people while he was away and then i wanted to get back with him. He said it would feel like he got cheated on. Regaurdless i really can't change the way I feel and neither can he so for now we are just chillin in our mellow relationship just waiting to see what god has in store for us.
With all of that said I must say that these past few weekends have been incredibly fun. I had some good times with Ellen, and at the Clinic Lizzy, Tay, and Brandy popped up behind me and totally took the night to a whole new level. Thanks you guys...you totally rocked me left tit???
Oh yeah and J...well let's just say happy birthday to you deary!
Aww well it's time to say goodnight to all of you. Ta-Ta.

So after a night of watching Sex In The City, I feel compelled to write a blog...as always. For some reason it always inspires me to write. You know it's weird after watching the show I always feel like Carry, even though everybody says I'm Samantha.
Lately I've been having dreams that I cheat on Adam without using my head or thinking. I just sporadically kiss someone or do something I shouldn't and then I think holy crap what did i just do? I know I keep having these dreams because in high school I did cheat on someone, and it was awfull. I cheated on my boyfriend Micheal with this guy JT. JT was a typical bastard father type, and Micheal was the typical nice guy type. I don't know what possessed me when I did it. When I first started cheating on him I talked myself into believing that unless I kissed JT that it wasn't really cheating, which of course is total bullshit. After a while I just let that whole idea go and I went with the flow. Micheal thought that I was cheating on him but I denied it. I never said "No i'm not cheating on you", and he never really directly asked me so I had also convinced myself that it was ok because I wasn't lying to him. Even after we broke up he continued to ask me and eventually I did tell him the truth. The weird thing is though now that I look back on it, I don't think I ever really felt terrible about it. After Micheal and I broke up he ended up falling in love with some girl, got her pregnant, married her, went into the service, and started using drugs and cheating on his wife. God that sounds horrible huh? Wow. Holy crap it really sounds like I've totally fucked his life up huh? I don't think that our relationship did that to him...but what if it did? Nahhhh. His parents were real loopy and i'm sure that they played a big part in it as well. This whole situation kind of parallels season 3 with Carry cheating on Aiden, with Mr. Big another typical bastard father type.
Sigh...so for those of you who were wondering how my relationship is now with Adam. Honestly it is going really well. I'm glad that I learned my lesson about cheating in high school. But I think the reason I keep having those dreams is seriously because i'm scared i'll hurt Adam, and of course that would be the last thing I would want to do. It is crazy though I almost don't feel like this is my life. Ya know being somebody's girlfriend
and all. I kind of feel like i'm going to wake up and it will all just have been a dream and i'll get back to my life. Not that I don't like my life right now, because i'm having a great time. This is just kind of the unknown territory to me, ya know? I'm still scared about turning into Damily, and becoming the annoying couple.
The other night I threw Adam his surprise Birthday party, and man whew I got drunk. It was a fun night though.
Well I think going to hit the sheets. Sweet dreams everybody.

So after a night of watching Sex In The City, I feel compelled to write a blog...as always. For some reason it always inspires me to write. You know it's weird after watching the show I always feel like Carry, even though everybody says I'm Samantha.
Lately I've been having dreams that I cheat on Adam without using my head or thinking. I just sporadically kiss someone or do something I shouldn't and then I think holy crap what did i just do? I know I keep having these dreams because in high school I did cheat on someone, and it was awfull. I cheated on my boyfriend Micheal with this guy JT. JT was a typical bastard father type, and Micheal was the typical nice guy type. I don't know what possessed me when I did it. When I first started cheating on him I talked myself into believing that unless I kissed JT that it wasn't really cheating, which of course is total bullshit. After a while I just let that whole idea go and I went with the flow. Micheal thought that I was cheating on him but I denied it. I never said "No i'm not cheating on you", and he never really directly asked me so I had also convinced myself that it was ok because I wasn't lying to him. Even after we broke up he continued to ask me and eventually I did tell him the truth. The weird thing is though now that I look back on it, I don't think I ever really felt terrible about it. After Micheal and I broke up he ended up falling in love with some girl, got her pregnant, married her, went into the service, and started using drugs and cheating on his wife. God that sounds horrible huh? Wow. Holy crap it really sounds like I've totally fucked his life up huh? I don't think that our relationship did that to him...but what if it did? Nahhhh. His parents were real loopy and i'm sure that they played a big part in it as well. This whole situation kind of parallels season 3 with Carry cheating on Aiden, with Mr. Big another typical bastard father type.
Sigh...so for those of you who were wondering how my relationship is now with Adam. Honestly it is going really well. I'm glad that I learned my lesson about cheating in high school. But I think the reason I keep having those dreams is seriously because i'm scared i'll hurt Adam, and of course that would be the last thing I would want to do. It is crazy though I almost don't feel like this is my life. Ya know being somebody's girlfriend
and all. I kind of feel like i'm going to wake up and it will all just have been a dream and i'll get back to my life. Not that I don't like my life right now, because i'm having a great time. This is just kind of the unknown territory to me, ya know? I'm still scared about turning into Damily, and becoming the annoying couple.
The other night I threw Adam his surprise Birthday party, and man whew I got drunk. It was a fun night though.
Well I think going to hit the sheets. Sweet dreams everybody.

Yo waz up folks? This year has started off very nicely! It definitely feels good to be back. I have a class at 8 so i can't write for too long, but Ellen is coming over at 9:55 for Sex in the City, and perhaps others will join. Than i'm going to stay the night with Adam!
You know what this is my little tid bit of philosophy for the week. People have begun to use cell phones way too much. People talk for hours on them everynight, to use up their minutes, and in the mean time all they are really doing is just trying to escape the reality of their lives. I'm not totally against cell phones, they are great for family and freinds to keep in contact, along with the usual buisness reason, but it's gone beyond that. They really have started bugging the crap out of me. The only reason i would ever get one would be for safety reason, or buisness. A lot of people have no cell phone manners. There should be cell phone manners and they should hold as strong as the 1o commandments.
Just my little tid bit for the night. I'm off to class!

Guess what! Winthrop University's Interior Design Department now has, oh yesss, Full 3-D software! Auto Cad 2005 and Auto Cad 2005 Architectural something or other that adds color i'd assume! Rock on! Yesss! Now all i have to do is find me some thank you notes!

Wow school is so close. I start classes a week from tomorrow! Crazy! I talked to Constance today, awww my cute little girlfriend. She informed me that Mr. Shauble, yes art crit teacher, is teaching my codes and standards class. He has an architecture degree, which is great, this was a great decision that the school made. Really! I'm proud. Because i don't feel like my education is being compromised in this area. Now if i go back and i found out that we have full 3-D software or will be getting it soon, Then I will definitely be sending out some thank you notes. Maybe even to Jerry Walden. But that is if we see some 3-D in the near future! Rock On! I can't wait to move in to the Apartment. Rock on! Jump is doing a concert in Charlotte soon. I'm totally stroked and stoked. I can't wait to see my gals, and Adam this weekend. Yeahhhhh! Whoo who! Ok enough cheering for one post. Ta-ta!

(Sighhhh) Last night my dog, Scooter, died. He was officially the 6th member of the family. I know there are people in Florida who have lost homes and even lives, but any major loss is always hard. After Matthew Henry had been robbed he said "First let me be thankful because i was never robbed before. Second, because although they took my purse, they did not take my life. Third, that although they took my all, it was not much. Fourth, because it was I who was robbed, not I that did the robbing." It is god that does the taking away of things, and loved ones, including Scooter. So today, though there will be sadness, I am thankful for the 12 years of joy that we had with him. And for those friends of mine in Florida, and for those who i do not know, I hope that you are safe, either on earth or in the heavens...with my Scooter.

Dreams are like little vacations to unworldly places. Little hopes are embedded in each one, but they are usually hard to interpret. A lot of people say that they don't dream, or if they do they can't remember any of it. I on the other hand have tons of dreams, especially lately. I just thought i'd give you a good laugh by telling you some of my recent dreams. All of these are way more detailed but this is just the basic storyline.
*One night i was on a christian youth trip to a strip club, when the big black woman stripper gave me hope that if she could do it I could do it. So i started experimenting with stripping.
*One night i had series of dreams, and the common theme seemed to be survival. I was carrying pipes on the side of a highway with a big group of people and we came to this hill and we had to carry the pipes down this hill of broken glass. Later it seemed i was on the same trip but without the pipes we were sneaking around through an underground market in Europe. Then with the same group of people we were on a boat and it hit another boat and the boat sank, but i don't think we died for some reason. Then i was suddenly with my family and we were on these bananna boat things in the ocean and we were all dehydrated, and i started my period. When we finally found land (things changed and kind of felt more like a road rules family) there were four guys all peeing in a box and we all dranking it like it was milk. Then suddenly i was at McDonald's and we were having a car wash and encouraging people in the drive through to get orange juice and then we'd put vodka in their OJ for a $2 charge. That same night i also had this dream that i was friends with this girl and she was a liar, and it took place in a mall.
* Today i took a long 6 hour nap! Yeah i know i'm a bum. But i had some dream where i was in Europe trying to find someone i was in love with and the whole time it was Eddie Izzard who was trapping me because he lusted after me! And there was some room that my grandma decorated for me and there was this party in that room, and everybody was wearing nice dresses. Also i've been having some pornographic dreams lately, but of course we won't talk about those. I also had this dream that i married a Catholic priest and we were at this convention and one of the church memebers had videotaped my husband jokingly saying something about him wanting to marry a man, and everybody got out of their seats and left. They didn't leave because they were disgusted with my husband, but because this person was that petty and everybody knew my husband was a good man.

I know wierd huh? I wonder if i've been having all of these crazy dreams because of the medication i'm on for my jaw. I mean these are just a couple of dreams that i've had lately. I've always been very imaginative.

Sorry the Trance post was only suppose to be published once but....yeah my finger was doing a European thing and we all know those are out of control.

So yeah what's up folks? So today is my last day at Semolina's atleast for now. Ya know it all depends on internships as to whether i'll end up back there. Hey i bought the coolest stuff at Goodwill yesterday. I only spent 20 bucks and some cents, and i got 3 sweaters, and 2 jackets. One of the sweaters still had a tag on it.
So this is my to-do list before i go back to school. This is just for my own use...uhhh..
try to find another pair of jeans and get black shoes
gather up as many toiletries as possible
clean clothes
clean room
clean car
pack stuff from room into car

So next Thursday i'm leaving New Orleans at like 4am and driving to Greenville to meet Rachel, Ellen, and Chris for a free Florez concert. I hope i make it there on time. Then after i'm staying at Ellen's in Spartanburg, and then leaving Friday morning to go stay with Adam for 2 days. Moving in to the apartment on Sunday morning. I can't wait!

Trance it up baby! Yeahhhhhhh. I feel like i'm in a European dream land full of arms just going crazy. Ohhhh ta de ta de de de te te te. I see right through to you! See you're every move. Te da te ahhhhhh te te. Do the invisible globe everyone!!!!!!!! Wheewwwww!

Trance it up baby! Yeahhhhhhh. I feel like i'm in a European dream land full of arms just going crazy. Ohhhh ta de ta de de de te te te. I see right through to you! See you're every move. Te da te ahhhhhh te te. Do the invisible globe everyone!!!!!!!! Wheewwwww!

Trance it up baby! Yeahhhhhhh. I feel like i'm in a European dream land full of arms just going crazy. Ohhhh ta de ta de de de te te te. I see right through to you! See you're every move. Te da te ahhhhhh te te. Do the invisible globe everyone!!!!!!!! Wheewwwww!

So my face looks like a huge balloon, but good news is that...well it's getting better, or atleast it should soon. Mom and I went to go see the Little Black book, with Brittany Murphy, sorry guys but don't waste your money. I'm so sick of movies that have no real story line or movies that have no heart at all. Ya wanna know what movies were actually good? A Cinderella Story with Hillary Duff, The Notebook (amazing movie), Raising Helen, Dodgeball (wasn't a complete waste of time), 13 going on 30 was pretty good, and huh i can't think of ne others right now.
I'm gonna miss my mom when i go back to school, but I'm definitely ready to go back.
For those of you who are wondering, i haven't smoked since the night of the Gavin Degraw concert. I'm glad i put that limit on myself for a while, and i'm gonna do that every now and then just to keep myself in control.
I need to give Constance a holla, just to see what she's up to, and Gram too. Ellen's back from France and i called her and we talked for 3 hours. Haha thankfully i won't be home when they get the phone bill, hehehe, i know i'm evil.
Some inspirational song lyrics
"I'm a Wanderer i have no place or time. I'm just drifting on this lonely road of mine, and if you'd like you can come along with me but i promise you that i am not the man i use to be." Marc Broussard
"...cause there's so much more. Baby if you could love someone like me, there's no end to the possibilities, hopes and dreams push up, wade the pain and regret, but lovin you just let's me know there might be hope for me yeahh." Marc Broussard

SOoooo yes tomorrow I will be in major pain from getting my wisdom teeth taken out. Ouch. I'm scheduled to work on Monday so hopefully i don't look totally retarded, like some chipmonk who got hit in the face with a baseball bat.
Sigh...I just received this devotional that Darren sent me. I don't...sigh...what should i do. I mean i told him that Adam was coming to visit me from SC, but he doesn't know ...ya know. Oh man. I kind of just thought that maybe he would just slowly forget about me, not that i really wanted him too, but part of me did. I don't think he'll really be upset, which is kinda strange too. I don't want to call him and tell him over the phone that i'm with somebody else, because i feel like that is kind of a chicken thing to do. I'm so glad that i'm with Adam right now...it just feels like right, but ya know i did have great feelings for Darren and I just want to make sure that no matter what we can still be friends. Oh dear!

I arrived at the House of Blues got a ticket and half a pack of cigarettes and a few tic tacs later i had been throughly rocked. Toby Lightman started the night off, and man she was sooooo awesome. She had the voice of the Borrowed Angels mixed with awesome lyrics and just holy crap it's good stuff. Go check it out http://www.tobylightman.com
And then Marc Broussard followed, and was really awesome. I love his song "Where you are." Gavin was good. He was definitely hotttttttt, but i don't know...i felt like he didn't relate to the audience as much as the first two, yet was still really good.
I don't regret going by myself a bit. Adam talked with me on the phone while i was walking back to my car alone (hint on the streets of downtown New Orleans aka crazytown). Yeah thanks babe.
I never want to decide against doing something fun just because i don't have anybody to go with me. Venturing out on my own is exciting. I definitely would have paid more than a mere $14 if i knew how good the show was going to be. My feet are exausted though. And i'm about to go hit my comfy sheets. Darn i really wish i didn't have to work tom. morning. Night folks.

So tonight is the Gavin Degraw concert!!! I'm excited about it, even though i'd rather be going with somebody as oppose to by myself. It's ok though. I need to get more comfortable venturing out on my own. It'll be fun smoking half a pack of cigarettes without anybody whining about it. I am aware that i need to cut back for a while. So AFTER tonight i am not allowing myself to smoke another cigarette until my drive back to school. It's not like i'm addicted but i'm smart enough to know that i have to be carefull about it.

Limbo is described in Webster's Dictionary as  "an intermediate or transitional place or state/ a state of uncertainty ." I'm in major Limbo cause i'm simply counting down days till i go back to school...back to my real life. I've been thinking about next summer. My parents just assume i'm coming home next summer, but i'm thinking about taking out a bigger loan in the spring and using the money to get a tiny dumpy apartment in Atlanta and getting a paid internship at a Design or Architecture Firm. Or maybe living with my old friend Leslie in St. Pete and interning in Tampa. If anybody wants to share a shitty hole in the wall apartment with me next summer and live on the edge let me know.
Ya know i know when people get into relationships they are scared to write on-line journals cause their significant others could read them. And often it's just such a vulnerable place to let all your feelings and thoughts go, that people get frightened of hurting other people's feelings. Well that isn't going to happen with me. It's just a little declaration of my independence!!!! But with that said I think i use pretty good judgement!
On another note, Adam said that there is a possibility he could be going to Iraq in January for over a year. It is scary but i just have to trust God that he will work everything out just like he intended it too. We were at TJ Quills talking about if that happened if i would "wait for him" but i basically said that i thought it would be better if we went our seperate ways until he came back, but still kept in contact a lot while he was away. I know that, he's worried i'll find someone else if he goes to war but it just wouldn't be logical for me to wait that long for someone who i've only been with for a few months. Does that make sense or am i crazy? I dunno maybe i am, but anyway this topic is being dropped as of now. What i can say is that i'm really glad that we are together now,  i'm excited to see what is going to happen to our relationship in the future, and i'm the lucky one for sure! This is Emily Becker signing off! Stay Classy San Francisco!

Damnit i just wrote a blog and it was erased! I hate when that happens. Well this week has been amazing. My time with Adam was Sweet, Romantic, Fun, Exciting, and defintely Goofy. I admit that i wasn't sure as to how this week would go, but it went very very very well. I already miss him. Please excuse my next few comments cause i know they will sound like i just walked out of a middle school. I kept saying to him "Wow you're my boyfriend" and he would reply "Yeah and your my girlfriend". It just sounded so strange, ya know being that i haven't had a boyfriend in a long time. I definitely feel a little more comfortable knowing that i'm not Looking, if ya know what i mean, for other men. It's strange thinking that along with my list of being a sister, daughter, best friend, i just added the word girlfriend onto that list. Well folks i hope this saves! Night to y'all.

So guess what peoples? Emily Becker is officially off the market right now. I have a boyfriend with whom i am exclusive. Strange huh? Yeah it's gonna take some time to get use to it, but i do enjoy it. Adam had been wanting this for a while, but i like to take things slow. Yesterday though, i took him to Nola's (an Emeril Lagassee restaurant down town) and told him that i was ready to stop seeing other people and just focus on our relationship. He is such a nice guy and i'm lucky to have him.  I still want to take things slow though...ya know? One thing i have learned is that as much as i'm a hopeless romantic...I'm scared of getting into relationships. It's like the great unknown to me. In the past i just usually found something wrong the guy i was seeing and then moved on to the next. Who knows what will happen in the future, but no matter what we'll be friends. I even took down my personal ad on yahoo. Rachel, as always, was very encouraging. What would i do without my sista's?? Ellen dear i hope your having fun in France, tell Mary i said hello. Well folks wish me some luck because i'm gonna need it...cause i'm crrrrraaaaazy.

Do you ever feel like you it's so hard to get in touch with God. Like you know the holy spirit's out there somewhere, but you feel like you're always missing it. This morning I decided to go to another church hoping that they would have a more contemporary service and the spirit would be there. When i got there i realized the spirit wasn't there. It was dull. Nobody was paying attention to the sermon, and that even if they tried it was really hard to concentrate because there were so many rowdy kids in the service. But the thing is about rowdy kids is...they are gods children too and they deserve to be there just as much as me.
Two rows ahead of me there was this retarded woman with her mother. Everyone in the church, before the service, was so friendly with her. I realized that was God, and when the woman put her arm around her mother during the service that was Jesus. That was Jesus right there 2 rows in front of me. The little girl behind me lining up her dolls on the pew...her eyes of innocence are Jesus.
Do you ever get something really wonderful in your life and think oh man this is gonna take a lot of praying for god to let me keep him?

Oh Dear
Last night i had a bad dream...a really bad dream. It was about me getting married to someone i wasn't sure was the one. Now dreams are scattered but i'm going to try and make paint the picture for you.
I remembered this extravagent affair and afterwards we ducked into our apartment and we started kissing on the bed. Next thing i know like a month later we are fighting and he is holding things from my past against me, i'm not sure what they were but they had something to do with difficulties about our apartment. He is holding some musical instrument and sitting in a corner. I went over to him and told him, "Hey why don't we inspire each other...you know why don't we both encourage each other to write...we need to support one another." And out of nowhere he mentioned something about me moving out. I left the apartment and some girls in the hall that had over heard my fight with him led me to a secret place in the apartment to see the paperwork on my apartment and if he had a date on which he was going to, as the girls said, "throw me out on my ass". While looking through the papers we found a date. It was a month before i was suppose to go back to school, which was weird cause it was like i wasn't in school, but ne ways. So after i found the paperwork i went over my Mom and Dad's house, and broke the news about the prospect of a divorce, and they were devistated...especially Mom. Ne ways they offered a place for me to stay but i said i couldn't because i didn't have enough privacy living with them, and they understood. So i went home and my husband wasn't there. The wierd thing about this dream though was it was like i couldn't remember if we actually had sex. I kept praying that we didn't, because that would mean that i saved myself for nothing. SO ne ways i went back to the apartment and i saw my husband on the staircase, and i ravaged him and started giving him head. I figured that maybe he felt regected because i didn't give him enough affection. As other people walked by i realized that we needed to move so we took it inside the apartment. While giving him head my mother came in the apartment. We were in the bedroom so she didn't see us, but i was sloppy and she just busted in without even a knock. She started setting up this fax copier thing in our living room. And then she left. Then she called me a little later to ask what i wanted for my 20th birthday party, and i told her i wanted a bottle of Bacardi, a bottle of Green Apple Puckers and some martini glasses. With a little hesitation she agreed, but i had to convinced her that i was adult enough to handle it. After that it was like that was it i was getting divorced, and the same day i found out about it i was at this party, and some how my apartment turned into this huge mansion and i had hot neighbors hitting on my asking me out. One of which was italian and trying to make me laugh by putting women's underwear on his head?????/ Yeah i know so ne ways that's when i woke up. But how sad getting married to someone and getting divorced soon there after. I'm so scared i'm gonna end up with the wrong person.

Well here it is! The day that i started being 20, and i must say i feel fabulous. Pretty much everything in my life is going great. I'm talking as far as the direction of my future. I'm in school working on my degree, saving myself for marriage, still fun, working a summer job for money, a bunch of great friends that mean the world to me, and of course there are things i wish were going better but there will always be. I know i'm truly blessed by my father in heaven.

Yesterday i was talking to the one the only Rachel and I was telling her about this horrible date that i went on on Monday, and that got us talking about all my crazy past internet dating experiences. And i giggle when i tell you this now, but she suggested that i write a book about all my experiences.
What if i did it? Seriously what if i did it? It wouldn't be so that i could turn from a Nancy Brown, into a fabulous Barbara Novak...but simply turn me into a published me. It's such a crazy and yet such a "holy shit what if i did it?" thought.
Could i do it? If you have any opinions e-mail me at plutters13@hotmail.com.

So things at work are looking up. Most of the people there seem to like me. There are...you know a few people you can't ever please no matter what, and then there are those who like to tease with ya and make work a fun place to be. Who wouldn't enjoy the latter more? Buisness at work has been picking up, which means more tips, so that's good.
Guess what folks...i did it. I joined a gym for the summer. I went for the first time on thurs. and had a good time. I haven't had time to go back...yet. But believe me i will.
Abbey is in a show, so i'm gonna go see that soon. We haven't really hung out at all, except for the first night she got back from school, but since then it's like she's vanished.
I do miss the kids from camp. They were so much fun, and it felt good setting a good example for kids. Ya know hanging out with them and having them turn to you for advice on boys, and problems.

Man this Sat. night Will Hoge is playing in Mobile AL. I really want to go...but i don't have anybody who would want to go with me. It's ok though...if it was meant to be..it will be..if not than that's ok too. Hey if ya go to the John Mayer site his song Clarity plays...and i've become addicted to it. I play it over and over when i'm on-line. You should check it out folks.

"I worry i wait three times, my body. I worry, i throw my fear around. but This morning there is a calm i can't explain. The rock candy has melted, only diamonds now remain.
By the time i recognize this moment this moment will be gone.
But i will bend the light and pretend that it somehow lingered on.
And i will wait to find. If this will last forever..and i will wait to find, if this will last forever, and i will pay no mind but it won't and it won't cause it can't it just can't it's not suppose to. there's not a second a time i look around ...
is anything enough to kiss the ground and say she is here now and i am here now. So much wasted in the afternoon. So much sacred in the month of june, how bout you? Oh?
ANd i will wait to find if this will last forever and i will wait to find....that it won't and it won't and i won't pay no mind...worry about no rainy weather and i won't waste no time..bringing in our lives together." John Mayer (Clarity)

I know that my true love will come and i don't have to worry...and i should "waste no time...bringing in our lives together."
Ok i'm gonna be honest here...i miss Adam so much. It's like when we were at school together, it's like i got addicted to seeing him, being with him, taking afternoon naps with him after lunch...burping in front of him, being around him looking like i just stepped out of a dumpster, aka the studio. I can't wait to see him again. But occasionally i wonder if part of it is in my mind. Now hear me out first...this isn't negative just...i don't want to grow to much on the fact that i miss him like ...start forming thoughts that aren't real. Ok that prob. didn't make any sense. Well last summer i talked to Micheal all summer and i felt like when i went back in the fall we were really just gonna have a great time together and hit if off, when in fact i went back to school and we had a couple of good dates and then...he started acting like a jerk. It's easy to talk to somebody on the phone for a long period of time, and not really be learning about who they are and what they are about, and yet feelings start growing regaurdless. Either way i know Adam is defintely not a jerk. Thinking about how that one day he sat me down on the bed and pulled up a chair across from me to tell me we couldn't see each other anymore. I dunno but something about that thought makes me want to cry and laugh at the same time. Cry because i can't remember the last guy who actually cared enough about me to explain why he didn't want to see me, who cared that much about me period. And Laugh because he called 3 times later on that day and came over and we had such a fun night.
When i think about Adam coming to see me...i picture me barefoot running out to his car pulling up in front of the house and, i dunno, us just running around like little kids.

Rachel and Ellen i miss you guys. Ellen you better not leave for France until you give me a call to say goodbye, and till you go to Bucky's house to ravage him cause dear you know i need some juicy details. Hehe.
If you're reading this blog...do me one thing...keep it real. Not Chappelle keepin it real...but just real real!?????? (shrug) I dunno?

You know i'm starting to get real...depressed. I haven't been like this all day...just within the past 5 min. (u know women crazy emotions). I might have something to do with the fact that when i'm at work i'm constantly pumping myself with soda and when i come home i'm in shock from not having any. I miss my little girl...Stan. Don't really feel like typing so i'm gonna run!!!

How do i start off a blog like this one?
So previously in my last few posts i had mentioned that i started seeing this guy Clay. We both seemed like we had fun with each other. Unfortunately things tonight took a dramatic turn. He basically said that because we couldn't have sex he didn't want to continue the relationship oh yeah and by the way this came right after we had fooled around and i was laying in his bed. So i got up put on my clothes and left. I'm such an idiot! How do i get myself into situations like this? And i'm even dumber because i seriously thought he might chase after me. I kept looking in my rear view mirror thinking i would see him any minute trying to pull me over. Isn't that rediculous? A part of me knows that i'm worth it for somebody to chase me...too bad that whoever those guys might be I never seem to run into them. Ok i know that's not true and you know who you are mr. teletubby.
I'm just depressed because i felt like clay and i were gonna have a lot of fun together this summer...and now we can't for the sole reason that i can't have sex with him? Plus i'm so freakin sexually frustrated...and whenever i run into a situation like this with a guy I always end up feeling used.
Thank you God for keeping me grounded even when i run into sticky situations. Thank you that i'm not even in the least bit tempted to have sex before i'm married. Thank you for helping me to save the biggest present of all for my future husband and i know that on my wedding night when my husband and i form one body the wait will be well worth it.

Ahhh drinking crisp juice out of a wine glass...it always brings me back.
My parents are leaving to go out of town for two weeks, and honestly i'm gonna miss mom. She and I are always great buds over the summer. We just got back from seeing the movie "Raising Helen" and it was really good. It had a lot of heart, which is hard to find in movies now a days. It made me nervous though because the parents of the kids die on a vacation in a car accident. (Sigh) yeah it made me a little nervous. I don't know what i'd do without my parents.
Oh yeah my friend Kathy and I went out to TJ's last night. We had a great time. It was really great to catch up with her and just go hang out with a real human (haha we're real humans). We played pool against these two guys who had been holdin down the table for a while, and even though we both sucked we made them real nervous when I shot our last two balls in and it was my turn with the good ol 8 ball. I missed and then they missed and then Cathy missed it and finally they got it in...but like she kept saying "Did you see how nervous we made them at the end of the game...that's awesome!"
Adam...i can't wait to see you and make you laugh.

Sigh...i feel like a dirty little girl. I am not at liberty to say why...just i feel dirty. I know i've always been a bad girl, i mean i'm a PK so i guess you could say it was a born condition but i guess i'm just feeling bad about it today, being sunday and all.
I met this guy named Clay on Friday night and we had a good date. It was very interesting.
So moms and pops are leaving on tuesday and this means that the madness in our house will most likely be unrestrained. There will be wrestling probably (ya know over anything...food, tv..couch...anything), prob. a few parties, maybe even a few turds laying around cause of course we'll forget to take scooter out.
Man i'm really not making the money i thought i would at this job (Semolina's). It sucks i worked a double yesterday and made $15 at lunch and $41 at dinner and that's with me having a huge birthday party table of like 20 or 25 and having my mom come to see me.
Hey gotta run! Peace!

So guys...what's up? I miss my SC peeps but i am adjusting to being down here. Today i did what is called nesting. Nesting is a natural thing that humans do when they are going to be living in a space that is still unfamiliar to them. So yeah basically i unpacked my clothes folded them all, put them away, and put up some posters and pictures. It feels good, even though right now i'm still not quite done...with my nesting process (wink).
You know the Rock the Boat tour? I wish i could go one year how awesome would that be? a cruise with great bands playing around the clock? great scenery and great food? Awesome.
Ellen so have u gone to ...hehe...see Emily Phillips?
and Rachel dear i miss ya. And man i know u never read my blog Constance but man i miss your companionship and i need to keep praying harder that you stay at winthrop next year.
Adam i can't wait for u to come visit me this summer.

At the moment i am currently feeling depressed. What the heck am i doing down here? I'm bored out of my mind. I'm not myself down here. Everything just feels so superficial here. Don't get me wrong i need a break, I just wish i could have a break and have fun at the same time. If i'm going to be alone i might as well do something worth while, right??, besides sit on my ass and watch television. I wish i could just go ..... go....go on a road trip to find myself. Just drive and drive. Go see beautiful scenes, and pray, and sing RENT really loudly in my car on the interstate. I wanted to go to the beach tom. but the harsh realization came that i wouldn't have anybody to go with. I know i sound so freakin pitiful. At school i'm not like this, not that i'm like popular by anymeans, but ...I guess i just miss my friends. And i know it's kinda soon, but i think it's because i didn't really get to see them this semester that much anyway. Sigh. Seriously i think the only reason why i haven'totally lost my mind already is because adam is coming to visit.Ha last night i had a nightmare about Ms. Aaron's grading, yeah i know pretty crazy.
While part of me is bitching, the other part is pondering as to how this could be a great opportunity to get in shape, and really try to hear god talking to me. I wish i could join a gym or something, but it's prob. pretty expensive.
Well i'm going to bed night yall.

At the moment i am currently feeling depressed. What the heck am i doing down here? I'm bored out of my mind. I'm not myself down here. Everything just feels so superficial here. Don't get me wrong i need a break, I just wish i could have a break and have fun at the same time. If i'm going to be alone i might as well do something worth while, right??, besides sit on my ass and watch television. I wish i could just go ..... go....go on a road trip to find myself. Just drive and drive. Go see beautiful scenes, and pray, and sing RENT really loudly in my car on the interstate. I wanted to go to the beach tom. but the harsh realization came that i wouldn't have anybody to go with. I know i sound so freakin pitiful. At school i'm not like this, not that i'm like popular by anymeans, but ...I guess i just miss my friends. And i know it's kinda soon, but i think it's because i didn't really get to see them this semester that much anyway. Sigh. Seriously i think the only reason why i haven'totally lost my mind already is because adam is coming to visit.Ha last night i had a nightmare about Ms. Aaron's grading, yeah i know pretty crazy.
While part of me is bitching, the other part is pondering as to how this could be a great opportunity to get in shape, and really try to hear god talking to me. I wish i could join a gym or something, but it's prob. pretty expensive.
Well i'm going to bed night yall.

Man people what the heck are you doing? You need to sign onto AIM. I swear like almost 2/3 of all my aim friends died or something after leaving winthrop. Was there some plague that hit everybody in south carolina? Hit me up yo.

Well since my last post, a lot has changed. Thank you Adam for deciding not to be so serious, and thank you for giving in and coming over. I'm glad you did. Soooo glad you did (wink).
Oh and girls, yes you beautiful Rock Hill women, i'm so glad that i got to have one last night of fun with you. The drinks were good, the discussions were hilarious...and surprising (Rachel you crazy). Ellen what the heck happened with the whole Bucky situation??? I wish i could find your number so i could call you and find out.
Long drive down here, and it sucks that i actually drove close to what the speed limit was, but if i didn't i would have gotten another ticket. There was a couple of close calls where i know i got clocked at like 7 over....Thanks Ellen's grandpa for the advice you were right about the 7 over thing.
Abby's coming back in to town tonight...good times good times.
Well Good day my loves.

Oh dear God. I know everything that happens for a reason but i'm so confused. I didn't think i was decieving anyone, honestly, but trying to be sensitive to others feelings. It started raining outside again. Ever heard that the rain is god crying? It feels like the second this happened it started raining. Everything happened so fast, and i didn't know what to do. I felt like time away from this over the summer god would give me the answers on what he wanted me to do.... (phone call, and 20 min. later)
I feel a lot better now. Of course the situation still makes me upset, but I'm glad that we are still gonna be friends.

Sigh. I'M DONE I'M DONE I'M DONE. No more attachments to school (the work part atleast). Yay. Looking back over this semester...i realized that even though i always joke and say that Rutledge has stolen my soul, i really do mean it this semester. Well i'm glad that atleast i have the summer to gain my soul back. I'm gonna start working at Semolina's on the 10th, and i'm excited about that. I think i'm gonna be a really good waitress. I'm gonna miss all my friends though, cause well i never really got to see them a whole lot this semester anyways. But i'll get to see Abby, and Charles, and Kathy too hopefully. And hopefully get to see Mr. Dante, for those of you who were wondering. The doc. e-mailed me the other day so we'll have to see if something starts up again there. Summer sigh. Ohh yeah ok. Ummm my mom and dad are crazy. WTF Mate? all the way. They are taking a 3 wk. vacation without me and my brothers, which is cool, and then again scary...yeah because guess who's gonna be trying to control the two animals i call my brothers, ME. I am glad for them that they are going though, cause they need to get away. If you can believe this, they are flying to see the grand canyon, then going to salt lake to visit friends, then flying up to washington state and renting a car and driving down the california coast. This is why i turned out the way i am, because my parents have that gypsy blood. This just might be marking the begininng of their mid-life crisis. Next thing you know my dad will be buying a Harley and driving it down the isle of the church for the procession. That has always been a dream of his actually. Crazy parentals.
My thoughts on going home are always mixed, like sometimes i just want to go home and hug my mom, sit on her lap, and i often miss just watchin tv with her. I miss my dad too of course, and actually we are getting closer. Home in New Orleans to me equals lazy times. Here i'm so busy, but i have tons of awesome friends that i never get to see, and i'm going to be missing someone special this summer. The one thing i always look forward to is the 12 hour drive. It always makes me feel so free.
I'm still deciding if i should leave on tues. or wed. but as of now i'm leaning more towards wed.
So folks that's all for now. Keep it real.---Em

Just wanted to write a quick little blog to say...even though it can be a bitch, COLLEGE IS A LOT OF FUN. (Wink) another devotion (hahahaha i love inside jokes).

Ok this is a random thought that i had over spring break. So say like one day i'm married or any woman besides me gets married, and my husband and i go out to eat with my parents for dinner. Well ok so say my husband had to go to the bathroom at the same time my dad had to go and they both go in there and u know their doin their urinal thang, and, i know this is crazy, BUT WHAT IF MY DAD SAW HIS PENIS????? The only penis i ever had sex with and he saw it, and what if it was big or small, either way my dad would know about the penis i had been with. Maybe this thought creeps me out cause my dad has no clue that...hehe...I'm a bad girl sometimes. Plus you know you never want your parents to know about what's going on in your bedroom...or car... or the church parking lot...or the park...or on bourbon st. ...or yeah u get the point.
Moving on...so yeah... another devotional!!!!!!!!...Awesome! I know that almost nobody knows what i'm talking about when i'm mentioning devotionals, and i like it that way. Hehe.

A Devotional? Wow...impressed, almost speechless.
April 20th (the day Jump's album comes out) I can't wait. I just heard "Young Amercian" which is on the album and though opiates seem to not favor it as much as some other stuff, I really like it. It makes me feel free. Like i need to take a road trip.
You know random thought. The other day i felt inspired by seeing a whole bunch of Mexicans in this one community neighborhood where they all lived. You might wonder why i was inspired by this and it is simply because they are brave. Brave to leave home and go to another country to pursue a dream.
Well folks that's all for today i believe.

Right now i'm feeling sick out of my mind. Along with my infamous allergies, i have a migraine and last night i got the flu. The only thing i've eaten in the past 30 hours has been an orange. (pouty face) Yeah this really sucks. It's probably because i've been wearing my self out. On tues i stayed up till 6 am, mon. 5 am, sun. like 2am and so on and so on for the past week. Plus because i've been so busy i haven't been eating heathly and i know that has a lot to do with it as well. The good news is that i presented my project yesterday and i think i did really well. That was before i was sick, thank you god.
This is a warning to all men....the last of this journal will be about women stuff so if you don't think you can handle it pretend that my blog ends here, and if you are strong proceed with caution.
So yes let me also add to this list that i am on my period. Yeah talk about suckage. But mainly i wanted to talk about emotions during women's periods...and all women you know what i'm talking about. I'm referring to the fact that sometimes when i have my period i just start crying out of nowhere. You know when it's coming cause you have nothing in the world to cry about and you feel that twictch in your cheeks and your eyes start welling up. I think the worst time this ever happened to me was when i was watching a Charmin bathroom tissue commercial. Yes that's right i started crying because i was watching, a very charming i might add, commercial about toilet paper.
Usually when it happens i'm alone or with my mom doing something and as soon as it starts i say .."i'm sorry it's just my period emotions...geez what are you doing emily...stop stop stop it." Sometimes i can fight it away and sometimes there is no hope. I'm pretty sure that this has never happened to me infront of a boy, but if it did i would certainly excuse myself...so he wouldn't have to suffer.
Well getting to the whole reason i wrote a blog about this...This happened to me last night while watching television and thinking about how much it sucks being sick. So i kinda had a reason to burst with emotion but i quickly stopped it and went in to the bathroom to let it out (the tears of course). Sometimes it's just better to let it out...besides as i said one time to rachel..."A good cry is like the opening of a champagne bottle, sometimes the emotions just build up and after they are released
you feel so much better."

So folks let me first start out with an apology for not writing in awhile. I returned back from spring break safe and sound. New Orleans was fun, as always when i'm there for short periods of time. I found a job, which is really good. Its at a restaurant called Semolina on Old Metaire Road, so come by and see me if your in the neighborhood this summer, and even if you aren't, you should still come and pay me a visit. Ellen, the coolest chica around went with me, and i took her to all the spots i love to go to. TJ Quills, which is always a jolly good time especially after you get a few Orlando Magic drinks in ya. Over the break we experienced a birthday, Ellen's that is, and unfortunately we were struck with allergies that day so our night wasn't quite as eventful as we had hoped for but it was still...a uhh... well an interesting time. Blowing your nose and dealing with soar throats on Bourbon St. is not exactly the way to attract men apparently. So yeah Ellen, Donny and I went to the Jump show downtown, which was awesome. God i love that band more than...more than...more than chocolate. Yeah that's what i said more than chocolate. So in new orleans i had a fun time with...let's just call him...Dante. God i love men. Thank you GOD for men. But enough about my excursions i am back now... and already wishing for summer to arrive soon. This semester started off so slack, and for the next couple weeks it's gonna be like getting a shot in the arm, i just want it to get over with. The biggest stressor is this project i have due for Song-a-long's class. I have to render perspectives, re-copy a floor plan, do titles, do a material board, and plan out all of my other boards. Sigh. OOOOOOOHHHHHKKKKK i have to compain here for a minute. Seriously you know what my biggest pet peeve is, well one of my biggest, is ok let me finish myself before you think i'm crazy, but guys that im me because they saw me on-line and then they im me like 10 times a day. Just because i talked to you once doesn't mean i'm your best friend, and i don't even talk to my best friends that much. It's like stupid shit to like "hey"....then like i don't answer and they im me back like 10 min. later "what are you doing?"....then like 2 hours later "oh hey so what are you up to"....wow they combined the first unanswered line with the second unanswered line. Most of you know that i don't have a problem with meeting guys on line but geez it just gets annoying. Maybe it's because the busier i get, then the more aggrivated i become when i have free time and it's interupted with stupid chit chat. Sigh. It's really not that bad it's just a few people lately that......moving on. Well folks i'm gonna go night night.

Sorry that the blog below got interupted but we really did have a fire drill. Ne ways u get the point, me being healthier! So tonight was the finale of My Big Fat Obnoxious Finance and it was awesome. It was sad that she embarrassed her family so bad, but you could tell they all loved each other so...
Constance said this lovely quote tonight in a conversation "We need some man juice bad."
Yeah it's no longer we need men it's we need man juice.
uhhh yeah well i have to finish studyin for my Math 140 test so i'll write ya something better later. Night

Sigh ahhh Sigh U know what Constance and I need to be on a reality television show. I think i'd be pretty funny. Of course i would have to wear clothes more often, and i'd have to wear more makeup, but it would be crazy. Lately i've been trying to eat better, and actually just started excercising last night. I've always been an extreme exerciser, not like overboard necessarily, but i'm either really into exercising or i'm not. Recently, since i've been at college, i've been on the extreme of not exercising. Bad Bad Bad. But i'm turning over a new leaf. I'm not gonna eat like an angel. Yes sometimes i'm gonna wanna eat bad, and i'll give into chocolate cravings but i think what's important for me this time is to think reasonably. Not as extreme as body for life diet every day and then gorge myself one day a week, but rather pace myself, eat smart, drink lots of water and skim milk, and excercise regularly.
Lately i look at myself and i'm disgusted. I mean i think i've always used my crazy outgoing personality as an excuse to hide behind, if that makes ne sense, but either way i'm just
Fire Drill gotta go!

Hey guys just got back from Roddey Basement and it's 2:30am. It was fun though. We were painting all the decorations and graphics for the 2004 Arts Ball and they are Awesome!!! Seriously! Awesome! We are gonna take pictures and add them to our portfolio! We being Constance, Anna, and I. Even thought they were incharge and came up with the main huuuuuugggggeeee graphic design I still helped a lot with painting, coming to meetings, collaborating, shopping with Ms. Aaron and setting up. The theme for the ball this year is Greek design, hmm interesting. Ne ways it constance is so cute...she's dancing in the room to the temptations right now in an old fashion way, which i think is the only way to really dance to the temptation stuff. Well tomorrow is gonna be busy and then sat. morning we are going to learn how to lay ceramic tile.....then....duh duh duh.....nothing we aren't doing ne thing else this weekend but relax! Maybe a little working on a perspectives but nothing harsh.

It's really 7:51am (my time is wrong and i don't know how to fix it on my blog), but i just wanted to ask....Should constance and i be scared that this morning we got up put on music, and even though i was still naked, we started frantically dancing together and it seemed perfectly natural? Either way it was fun with her hair wildly being shaken and my tits being wildly shaken. Poor constance too bad she has to go to the kitchen now and slave away to make me cookies.

I'd like to say for the record that i do not have ne sexual contraptions but that doesn't mean that others shouldn't be free to use them! If you don't understand this read below!

I'd like to say for the record that i do not have ne sexual contraptions but that doesn't mean that others shouldn't be free to use them! If you don't understand this read below!

You know what ...pussies unite. I love my vagina! I do. I mean it rocks. Thank you god for giving me pleasure. Not only down there but just all over. Thank you god for nerves.
Did you know that vibrators are illegal in some states? Doesn't that make you soooo mad. God that really pisses me off. Who is to say what you can and cannot stick up your vagina. I mean i'm not talking like cats or anything, but seriously!! You know who created that law?? Probably a senator who's wife either doesn't give him enough, or who's wife left him for another woman. There is no reason for stupid crap like that. And the old law in SC against oral sex???? Come on! The state does not need to put limits on people's sexuality unless it harms others or is in public. geezzzz

Guys you would not believe how much cleaning i did tonight. I don't know what it was that motivated me...but whatever it was holy cow. I mean not only did i do the regular stuff but i swept, mopped, bleached all the gunk i could out of the bathroom which wasn't as much as i hoped for but nonetheless, cleaned dishes, cleaned my fish tank, dusted my TV, cleaned off my desk, washed out the coffee pot... Yup the feeling of accomplishment has taken over. You know what would be cool if i picked up my rug and cleaned it and put it in the room before constance go back!!
We'll just have to see! Went to go see Ari Hest tonight with Ellen and ah...friend Rick...ne ways it was fun! Ari you rock me! I think he could probably get more fans though if he made faster, more upbeat songs.
Well guys i'm heading to bed because well frankly i'm tired, and i have church in the morning. I forgot if i mentioned this in my last couple of posts but Ellen and I found a church that we really like. Oakland Baptist! Even though i have Episcopalian beliefs doesn't mean that i can't attend a service where i feel more intouch with god. Infact i think god is proud of me for expanding my horizons. The preacher last sunday gave a sermon so good that i've been thinking about it the whole week....now that is pretty amazing!!!! Hopefully it'll be just as good this week. Rock on God!

Ok guys last night i was by myself, after Constance, and Rachel had left town, and Ellen was leaving this morning and I started watching these cold case murder specials on A&E and they really freaked me out. Esp this one about this woman with 5 kids 3 of them were girls and the mom killed two of her daughters. She shot one and then handcuffed her to the bathtub and kind of slowly let her heal and then when that girl said she wanted to leave the house the mom said ok but u have to let me cut the bullet out of u. So the girl drank whiskey passed out and the mom took an exacto and cut it out of hert hen handcuffed her to the kitchen table where she got sick. So she took her out to a feild and set that girl her own daughter on fire after dousing her in gasoline. Then the next daughter, oh yeah and the whole time she was whoring her children out on the street, well the mom said that she got a vinarial disease because her daughter had caught it and used the toilet and so the mom said that she contracted a diesease from her. So she handcuffed her to the kitchen table beat her and then basically wouldnt let her go to the bathroom,
so she wore diapers! Then when she was getting weak she stuffed the girl in the closet to starve to death and after she died the mom forced the two older brothers to bring a box and put the rotted body in the box and dump it in a feild. She made the youngest daughter clean out the closet that her sister had rotted in and clean up the blood and parts of her face off of the floor. I mean it was terrible. The next girl basically said mom ur not gonna beat me and ran away and one day the youngest daughter finally told her story to the cops and her stories matched two bodies that had been found but never identified. I mean it was crazy! The mom is in jail now, thank god. The other story was about this man who first started by stealing women's panties and eventually raped, torchered and killed two women. And get this he was married and had two kids. Yeah...uhh, like i said crazy.
The first story was worse thought just cause i mean it was a mom who killed her two kids. It made me glad that I have good parents and had a safe childhood.
But you know i always watch stuff that scares me when i'm here alone on the weekend. I had to sleep with a light on in my room! Baddddd. Well ne ways enough for now! Bye guys!

I'm on my knees begging and pleading (wait hold on just a second) ...sorry i had to get my crisp juice...i'm on my knees begging and pleading to forgive for me for being slack lately about my blog.
Whew now that that is over with! Geez where do i start. Well let's start umm at friday night! Friday night I was with Ellen and we were walking home from the CAD lab and she started talking about how awesome it would be if we went to the beach to see the sunrise. So we pondered for 20 seconds and said well let's do it... so we ran in a fit of excitement to rachel's room to get her to come with us. She was not there but we got a hold of her over the phone and we were dishearted to find out she was not interested in coming. By this time we had convinced Heather, her awesome roomate to come with us, which made it better. So we got 2 hours of sleep and woke up at 2am and left at 3am to arrive at Charleston at 6:40am. It was soooo beautiful. Then we fiddled around Charleston and the market. Hahaha this man selling perfumes with one tooth (aka, atleast to himself, as "the smell doctor") kept hitting on us as we were checking out his table of smelly goodness. At one point he kissed my hand, ewww. But we got some good smellin stuff. As constance just put it "I love it when people rip off huge corporations for my benefit." Right on constance!!!
Actually i'm going to back up just a little bit before Friday. Unfortunately my brother's have been getting themselves into too much trouble. My poor mom has been trying to deal with everything. So everybody say a little prayer for them to make it through their trials and tribulations.
Last night constance and i started talking about what we would do before we became a hookers. We stated we'd become a stripper way way before whoreing ourselves out (duhh), and now it's gotten into strange stuff like what would we do before we worked at a strip club, we think it'd be better to work at a stripping car wash than a regular one. But we did say that we wouldn't mind being julia roberts the day that richard gear picked up her up off the street.
"Can you guess what i'm wearing for underwear?"
" No, no i can't!"
" The body of a guitar!"

Sigh...tired...strange times...so much and yet so little going on...jerry walden....blah....art and design department ignore us....teachers not fulfilling their contracts...vagina monologues was fun to try out for....no role though...cheesecake factory with Brian 2 thumbs up....productiveness today...well one thumb up....decided reading now goes on the bottom of my to do lists or i won't get ne of the stuff i wouldn't mind doing done....me checking out guys in the cafe needs to stop...why don't i have a sex slave again.... donny where the hell are you?...new fish is going to decidedly be called martini....curious little fella...he seems a little italian in nature, and yes i'm still talking about my fish....god some women really are stupid!!!!...dear god please bless those without brains atleast some common sense....u know i should take my own advice sometimes....to bad i'm too horny most of the time to do that...(i know no one understood, which was intended)....i've been hearing from different sources that my blog has become known across the nations...ok i lied....but that people enjoy reading it....i've even heard i'm a good writer...who woulda thunk it?
If anyone reads my blogs that i don't know you should e-mail me at plutters13@hotmail.com, i'd be interested to know what you think. By the way everyone excuse my format tonight, but it just felt like it expressed my lazy nature at the time.

Howdy folks...well, well, well. Today has been interesting, but since many of you who read my blog already know the story, i don't feel like explaining it again to the same people, so moving on to other points. Sorry to those of you who i have confused...just deal!
(this is a different story) Well as a few of you know my old friend from high school, Jeneatte, has been talking to me about going with her to some auditions for some local theatre shows. It's just been interesting how much it has excited me and scared me! God i use to love being on stage, and i still love acting like i'm the lead star in my everyday life. Hey don't hate, it keeps things interesting, and usually playful. But the things i need to really consider are....number 1 do i have the time....and number 2 if i do have the time am i really ready to make the sacrifices i would need to to pull off something like this. I'm taking 18 hours, and even though i have less studios... i remember how worn out plays would make me afterwards, and how much time and energy they take. I do love the high that i get off of it though. I'm afraid that i can't act anymore, like that i'll try again and i will suck real real bad and just embarrass the panties right off myself. Ne ways i don't know what will happen! I'll just have to see! The only way i could pull it off and still keep my grades up would be if i really buckled my ass down to my readings and homework on any off time that i had. Which is exactly what i should be doing right now!
Actually i've surprised myself this semester with how much i actually have read and tried to keep up. So even though i have not fulfilled all my up to date reading assignments, i'm doing pretty good! (Tuscan Sun quote) "I got it! I got it! Whew!"
Damn i just found out today that one of the three Interior Design teachers is being asked to leave. I'm sad cause Greg was always joking and teasing with us, but then again you never know they may hire someone who will give this program something amazing! God our program keeps screwing us! We don't have real CAD and for that I still think we should put grass killer in the feilds spelling out "CAD or DIE, BITCH!"
Ha ha Haaa ok fingers...tired...oh....bye!

Tonight the girls and i went, finally, to go see Chasing Liberty. Not that it was an academy award winner or ne thing, but i love watching movies that make you feel like you could run away. Movies where you root for the lead character to just live her life without any restraints, and therefore after seeing it you feel you should live that way too. Adventure, Beauty, Freedom, "and above all things Love" (Moulin Rouge). Going out on a ledge, taking chances!
I always think about never wanting to feel tied down. I always want to feel independent and free! Which is why i think some people are skeptical, even myself sometimes, of if i'll ever find the right guy. But you know what i need. I need someone who wants to be free with me. Someone who won't think of my free spirit as something they will have to deal with but rather a quality that we both have. Like two free birds that form one spirit just waiting to soar together.
Sorry if i put anyone to sleep! It was just a thought i had today and i thought it was beautiful enough to share and also cheesy enough to share.
Ok sorry guys i landed back on earth. My room is a total mess. I really need to clean and do my reading tomorrow! Gosh my procrastination this semester needs to be stopped.
On another note! Saturday night i went on a wonderful date with this guy Brian. I'm not going to say too much about it, you know i want to keep my blog audience wanting more....but let's just say it went extemely well, and i can only hope you'll be reading more wonderful things about him in the near future.

FIRST DAY OF CLASSES is over! Sigh, soon i'm actually gonna have to get back to my readings. =( Sitting myself down to read is not my strong point.
Tomorrow night is gonna be awesome. We're celebrating Rachel, Chris's and Stefi's birthday at the 80's dance club in Charlotte. There is a big group of people coming, and it's just gonna be awesome!
Sorry guys i got interupted with a streak of laziness to type so i'm gonna stop this blog for tonight, but don't worry i should be back soon folks. I have an 8am class tomorrow, so i want to try and get some sleep! Night!

Ahhhhh back at the WU! How refreshing it tis! Sigh of happiness! Constance just got back last night, so we've been having fun chatting about all kinds of stuff! One topic was about this man who wanted to work at Hooters, not as a cook but as a waiter. He was gay, and he sued bc he thought that he should be able to wear the hooters outfit and serve as well. Constance was saying that if she went to hooters and a man served her, she would throw up! ANd all the men going to see half naked women serving them beer and wings, come only to find a man dressed in the outfit, who is gay. If there wasn't a riot then as sad as it is, he would get no tip. It's like if he tried to work at a female strip club, I mean come on! I could see how he could call discrimination, but then again there are several thing that are just divided up by same sexness. Like he could call discrimination if he wasn't allowed to be in the Miss America pagent. Crazy!
Ne ways it's been good times since i've been back. It was nice seeing Chris Taylor in Jacksonville. Sigh good ol Chris Taylor! We had a good time together. It's crazy seeing one of your first loves!
Last night getting together with Rachel, Chris, Ellen, and Emily Phillips to watch Bruce almight was lots of fun. I love my friends, they are so awesome! So thank you god for them! Thank you god for my safe trip, and thank you god for all of the good times i'm going to part take of this semester! Yeee Haw!