Soo guess what? Adam told me that he has about a 70% chance that he's going to get mobilized and go to Iraq. We've had discussions about what would happen if this unpleasant occurance was to arrive, and i've always been honest and said that "if you are leaving to go to Iraq than i feel like it's god doing his will, and i need to see other people and continue to live my life. It's not that i don't care about you, because i do, and really it isn't about me not being able to control myself, because i believe i could if i had to...but the main reason would be i just can't put my life on hold for over a year for someone i'm not sure is the one." I just feel like it would be stupid on my part, and i'd regret it. All this of course upsets him and he thinks that i'm not loyal to him, and he'd feel betrayed if he came back and i saw other people while he was away and then i wanted to get back with him. He said it would feel like he got cheated on. Regaurdless i really can't change the way I feel and neither can he so for now we are just chillin in our mellow relationship just waiting to see what god has in store for us.
With all of that said I must say that these past few weekends have been incredibly fun. I had some good times with Ellen, and at the Clinic Lizzy, Tay, and Brandy popped up behind me and totally took the night to a whole new level. Thanks you guys...you totally rocked me left tit???
Oh yeah and J...well let's just say happy birthday to you deary!
Aww well it's time to say goodnight to all of you. Ta-Ta.

So after a night of watching Sex In The City, I feel compelled to write a blog...as always. For some reason it always inspires me to write. You know it's weird after watching the show I always feel like Carry, even though everybody says I'm Samantha.
Lately I've been having dreams that I cheat on Adam without using my head or thinking. I just sporadically kiss someone or do something I shouldn't and then I think holy crap what did i just do? I know I keep having these dreams because in high school I did cheat on someone, and it was awfull. I cheated on my boyfriend Micheal with this guy JT. JT was a typical bastard father type, and Micheal was the typical nice guy type. I don't know what possessed me when I did it. When I first started cheating on him I talked myself into believing that unless I kissed JT that it wasn't really cheating, which of course is total bullshit. After a while I just let that whole idea go and I went with the flow. Micheal thought that I was cheating on him but I denied it. I never said "No i'm not cheating on you", and he never really directly asked me so I had also convinced myself that it was ok because I wasn't lying to him. Even after we broke up he continued to ask me and eventually I did tell him the truth. The weird thing is though now that I look back on it, I don't think I ever really felt terrible about it. After Micheal and I broke up he ended up falling in love with some girl, got her pregnant, married her, went into the service, and started using drugs and cheating on his wife. God that sounds horrible huh? Wow. Holy crap it really sounds like I've totally fucked his life up huh? I don't think that our relationship did that to him...but what if it did? Nahhhh. His parents were real loopy and i'm sure that they played a big part in it as well. This whole situation kind of parallels season 3 with Carry cheating on Aiden, with Mr. Big another typical bastard father type.
Sigh...so for those of you who were wondering how my relationship is now with Adam. Honestly it is going really well. I'm glad that I learned my lesson about cheating in high school. But I think the reason I keep having those dreams is seriously because i'm scared i'll hurt Adam, and of course that would be the last thing I would want to do. It is crazy though I almost don't feel like this is my life. Ya know being somebody's girlfriend
and all. I kind of feel like i'm going to wake up and it will all just have been a dream and i'll get back to my life. Not that I don't like my life right now, because i'm having a great time. This is just kind of the unknown territory to me, ya know? I'm still scared about turning into Damily, and becoming the annoying couple.
The other night I threw Adam his surprise Birthday party, and man whew I got drunk. It was a fun night though.
Well I think going to hit the sheets. Sweet dreams everybody.

So after a night of watching Sex In The City, I feel compelled to write a blog...as always. For some reason it always inspires me to write. You know it's weird after watching the show I always feel like Carry, even though everybody says I'm Samantha.
Lately I've been having dreams that I cheat on Adam without using my head or thinking. I just sporadically kiss someone or do something I shouldn't and then I think holy crap what did i just do? I know I keep having these dreams because in high school I did cheat on someone, and it was awfull. I cheated on my boyfriend Micheal with this guy JT. JT was a typical bastard father type, and Micheal was the typical nice guy type. I don't know what possessed me when I did it. When I first started cheating on him I talked myself into believing that unless I kissed JT that it wasn't really cheating, which of course is total bullshit. After a while I just let that whole idea go and I went with the flow. Micheal thought that I was cheating on him but I denied it. I never said "No i'm not cheating on you", and he never really directly asked me so I had also convinced myself that it was ok because I wasn't lying to him. Even after we broke up he continued to ask me and eventually I did tell him the truth. The weird thing is though now that I look back on it, I don't think I ever really felt terrible about it. After Micheal and I broke up he ended up falling in love with some girl, got her pregnant, married her, went into the service, and started using drugs and cheating on his wife. God that sounds horrible huh? Wow. Holy crap it really sounds like I've totally fucked his life up huh? I don't think that our relationship did that to him...but what if it did? Nahhhh. His parents were real loopy and i'm sure that they played a big part in it as well. This whole situation kind of parallels season 3 with Carry cheating on Aiden, with Mr. Big another typical bastard father type.
Sigh...so for those of you who were wondering how my relationship is now with Adam. Honestly it is going really well. I'm glad that I learned my lesson about cheating in high school. But I think the reason I keep having those dreams is seriously because i'm scared i'll hurt Adam, and of course that would be the last thing I would want to do. It is crazy though I almost don't feel like this is my life. Ya know being somebody's girlfriend
and all. I kind of feel like i'm going to wake up and it will all just have been a dream and i'll get back to my life. Not that I don't like my life right now, because i'm having a great time. This is just kind of the unknown territory to me, ya know? I'm still scared about turning into Damily, and becoming the annoying couple.
The other night I threw Adam his surprise Birthday party, and man whew I got drunk. It was a fun night though.
Well I think going to hit the sheets. Sweet dreams everybody.

Yo waz up folks? This year has started off very nicely! It definitely feels good to be back. I have a class at 8 so i can't write for too long, but Ellen is coming over at 9:55 for Sex in the City, and perhaps others will join. Than i'm going to stay the night with Adam!
You know what this is my little tid bit of philosophy for the week. People have begun to use cell phones way too much. People talk for hours on them everynight, to use up their minutes, and in the mean time all they are really doing is just trying to escape the reality of their lives. I'm not totally against cell phones, they are great for family and freinds to keep in contact, along with the usual buisness reason, but it's gone beyond that. They really have started bugging the crap out of me. The only reason i would ever get one would be for safety reason, or buisness. A lot of people have no cell phone manners. There should be cell phone manners and they should hold as strong as the 1o commandments.
Just my little tid bit for the night. I'm off to class!