You know life is so beautiful. Through all of the breakups, breakdowns, the highs, the excitement and the boredom it remains such a mystery. The unknown future, the tears, the sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for something to happen, the creativity, the dreams and the losses we have in life make it worth the ride. You are probably wondering what brought this on! Well I was on the porch outside of the studio and Ms. Belk walked by with her daughter, who is sooo cute, and she said hello to me. On her way to her car there was this girl sitting in the grass crying and Ms. Belk went over and asked her if she was okay. It just touched me. Sometimes life gets so hectic we forget to act like civil human beings to people we don't know and that is sad, but seeing her just simply ask this poor girl if she was alright gave me hope. I know we all have hearts, we just need to tap into them more and make sure we are putting them to good use.
I really admire Ms. Belk. She has a good heart and she really wants the best for her students. Since she has come to Winthrop I feel the program here has improved 2 fold. I don't know how she juggles everything she does. She is full time faculty, she is a full time mom, she is so involved in our program and the professional world in Charlotte. If you have ever seen her resume you would know this woman has the experience to do anything she wanted to. This project that I'm working on for her class is very very time consuming as most of you know but I don't mind one bit. To push students to this point of exhaustion and yet do it in a loving and considerate manner is impressive. Usually it takes very special teachers to push people to their full capacity of creativity and professionalism without turning those students into an enemies. I am glad I took her class over Ms. Song's class (even though I love her a lot too). I know that my interest in the topic helps with this also, but I do really admire her.

Odd quote of the day
Me-"Hey you have a microwave and I have bushy eyebrows let's put the two together to fix the situation!" (aka heat me up some hot wax)
Oh one more....but this is from Miami
operator-"...the number is 1-409-aftbael"
me-"ok let me make sure i got this right it's
a as in apple
f as in fan
t as in toy
b as in boy
a as in apple
e as in eel
and L as in Lover???"
(can you tell I tried to mix it up at the end...however I was laughing so hard that I couldn't tell him goodbye or thank you)
Also I was telling Ellen and Rachel how I saw this show on tv (i think it was a clip from Most Amazing things caught on tape or something like that) where this dead whale had washed on shore and nobody knew what to do with it. So they stuck tons of dynamite under it and blew it up?????? Yeah they blew it up! There was blood everywhere all over everybody that was watching and little bits of blubber ended up all over the place. One huge piece of blubber that was half the size of my futon fell through this one guy's car windshield. Ellen, Rachel and I think that should be the next allstate commercial. "People do stupid things but allstate is there."

The latest Cosmo is awesome! Well first of all let me tell you about this new fragrance that makes my knees go weak. It's called Polo Black.....AHH OHhh (yes those were orgasmic sounds I was making). It didn't just appeal to me but to Rachel, Ellen and Constance. If it can turn all of us on like that holy cow the man that decides to wear that colgne for any of us will be a lucky, lucky man. He will probably be thrown into a horizontal position in less than 60 seconds.
Another thing that Cosmo has informed me of is of THE NEW MAN and I didn't like what I read one bit. It's saying that more and more guys are turning into this NEW MAN. You might be a NEW MAN if you carry these traits
- you live at home with your parents
-you don't call to ask me out...you text message me?????? (although text message flirting can be interesting sometimes)
-You don't watch Baywatch...you watch American Idol
-Your after-college plan is devise a success plan from mom and dad's den. Sit tight and wait for the perfect moment.
-ohhh and the worst one is you'd rather try and have cyber sex with a girl (because you are too lazy and too scared to try it for real)than throw her into a public closet and ravage her.....what is this world coming to
What is this shit? After I read that article I checked my e-mail and this guy saw my profile on-line and e-mailed me, but he said "I don't have a picture so when my mom get's home later she will have to help me upload it so i can send it to you"?????????
That's too much info! I don't want to know that your mom helps you upload pictures onto the internet so you can find girls...it just sounds desperate. Yeah I do it myself but I'm not asking my daddy to upload my pictures for me. It just sounded rediculous. (Sigh)
Well Fall Break was interesting...not long enough, but interesting. I made this awesome mixed cd...it's like a masterpiece and if your lucky you might be able to get a hold of a copy. Well it's about time I hit the sheets, cause I do have a French test tomorrow. Night night.

Today is Oct. 8th and that means my milk is officially bad without me ever even opening it. Last night when Ellen, Rachel, Constance and I went to Crush we had such an awesome time. I got so drunk. Damn. I met this cute guy named Will, hopefully I will hear from him again sometime. I was so drunk that when I was sleeping last night I was having drunk dreams. My dream went something like this. I was sleeping (and having a nightmare that I went to Little (the architecture firm) and was having another terrible interview...again I was unprepared like in real life for my first interview and then I was also dreaming that I was in the Baskin Robbins and I tried to beat this girl up) when I woke up from my dream within a dream there was water leaking through the ceiling. It wasn't dripping, it was like a water park in Roddey. I opened the door to the hall and the whole building was being flooded with water. When I looked outside it wasn't raining though, which at the time I didn't even think was odd. The floors were starting to cave in and the walls were crumbling around Constance and I. We looked outside and there was a bobcat wrecker taking down the building...and we were inside. We were in the room when they tore our section of the building down but somehow we were not hurt. So after our room was torn to bits than everything around us was trashed into a dumpster. We were standing out on the street in front of Roddey apartments when the Residence Director, which in my dream was a man, accidentally went downstairs and found like 15 Interior Design girls sitting in 3 ft of water working on their projects. They didn't know that the building was being torn down so he was glad he found them so he could tell them to escape. After that I was sitting on the street corner thinking "Oh my god I just lost everything." All I had with me was my purse with my cell phone and my wallet with a debt card that had $5 on it. I was crying and confused about the situation. I remember thinking in my dreams "I wish this was a dream, but I know it's not." Thankfully it was but what a wierd dream! I know it completely parallels what happened when my family lost everything due to Hurricane Katrina (yeah in real life). God works everything out in time and this was probably god's way of pushing my dad to give up the Episcopal diocese down there. I had some other really wierd dreams and man...I definitely could have been charged with drinking and dreaming.
Also I need to let everyone know my secret! Sweet Puffs, otherwise known as Smacks, are the best food to eat when you feel like you are gonna throw up. I always wake up like 4 hours after I fall asleep drunk to eat Sweet Puffs and drink either water or sweet tea (which is much better) and then when I wake up another 8 hours or so later I'm fine. So kids remember keep Sweet Puffs.

People keep making comments that they think it's wierd that I think about shagging in the library! I don't think it's wierd at all! It's Constances 21st birthday today so I think we are going to Crush downtown Charlotte tonight to celebrate. Man I know I've been slack about doing my Avon stuff. I need to spend more time doing it. Trying to do leadership has been a waste of time. I think I'll just stop trying to recruit people cause two of my girls are gonna drop out...I can tell. One of them didn't even place an order lkajdslkjfaslekjfasdfjasdljfasdklj. People piss me off. Because two girls didn't do well I am not gonna get my $500 bonus. Actually I'm gonna loose money on trying to recruit people. Damn now that I think about it I really am gonna loose money on that. Fuck I'm pissed now. I hadn't thought about it. I don't actually make money off of people until I have 5 of them and I only have 4 and 2 of them are on the verge of dropping out. The other 2 are doing pretty good. ARRRRRRRGGGG.

Oh man, boy do I need one! Yeah a man! I need one! I want someone to cuddle with and sweet talk and do all of those gross things! JK they aren't gross. I have to spend hours studying today and when I study I get horny! The last time I went to the library to study half the time I was imagining someone throwing me against a bookshelf and ravaging me! I'm kind of scared to go there today cause I'm afraid I might fantasize the day away! It would be fun but I know with 3 tests on Monday I need to buckle down! I wish someone would buckle me down! Okay with that said I'm gonna try and get some work done!

It is Sunday or rather Monday morning! Unfortunately today I heard some bad news about my family. Luke went back home to gather up some more clothes and he said that the townhouse is destroyed. The first floor was flooded and you could tell where the water line had been. Everything on the first floor was completely destroyed. On the second floor my parents have a tree in their bathroom and the only rooms not destroyed were Luke and Matt's rooms. Luke said the whole house is so bad they should just bulldoze it. Dad is going to travel back on Tuesday with a U-Haul to pack up whatever can be salvaged. They have decided to stay in the D.C. area and try to find my dad a job. Luke has officially transferred his job from New Orleans to Houston, TX and is going to try making it on his own. Hopefully he will find an apartment to rent soon because they are being filled up fast. Everyone please keep my family in your prayers!
Also I'm trying to get financial help from the school to cover the rest of my tuition for this semester, unfortunately I have a funny feeling that they won't be willing to help, but we will have to see.

Oh dear God. I didn't fully realize until tonight just how bad things were in New Orleans. My family won't be able to move back there! I don't know if they have come to that conclusion yet, but it's the truth. They said Matt's school won't be back in session until atleast January and that's hopeful thinking. Luke evacuated to Houston, Texas with a friend, which would have been fine but there is no way to get a hold of him because all 504 area code cell phones are down. We have no other way to track him down. My parents are refuges! My parents have no home with running water or electricity for several months. To top it off they were already in a financial bind with sending all three of their kids to school and having my mom be the only person to bring in a steady paycheck. Dad was just hired as an interm priest at a church in New Orleans, but as you can see he won't be able to start that. We still don't know if their townhouse is standing or damaged, the inside belongings will not be able to be accessed for a while, that is if they still exist or if they haven't been stolen by then.
I wonder if the school will pardon my parents financially...probably not, but wouldn't that be a blessing! It's difficult to think that I probably can't go home for Thanksgiving or Christmas. We will all have to stay with relatives.
My uncle Jim called me today to let me know that my parents were coming up to Winthrop, which wasn't all true. It was true that they were thinking about it, but false in that this trip would be made immediately. I definitely want to see them and be able to talk with them face to face about everything. We haven't even been able to hold a phone conversation, it's been pretty much aim and e-mails. This is such a tragedy to think of a whole city in such disarray. The people being rescued often are left with nothing but the clothes on their back and with nowhere to go. It seems evident to me that there needs to be some definite plans of action to begin restoring the city and that those plans need to be put into action very soon. The chaos down there needs to end quickly. I believe that is all I have in me to type tonight so with that said Goodnight New Orleans!

Hello world. Interesting isn't it, the highs and lows we go through on a weekly basis? Today I am feeling lonely. I can't wait till everyone comes back to school. I watched two movies today did some grocery shopping and pretty much did nothing on my to-do list. Wasn't very exciting for a day off. The good news is that tomorrow will be my last day of working at Farmers Furniture. It hasn't been the greatest experience, but it hasn't completely been a drag. My boss keeps telling me that he wishes I wasn't leaving in the fall, but he knows how he could keep me around a little longer, with money of course. It will be better though because then I can focus on my Avon and find an architecture firm to take me in. I might just need to start telling them when I apply/send them my resume that I will do it for free. I really hope that I hear something back from Mind's Eye Architecture. I need to call them and check up with them.
Well the girls and I will be heading off to Miami soon, Thurs. at 1am, that is and it should be quite the little adventure. Hopefully I won't get shunned away from the beaches due to my not so inshape body.

Nooooooo! The other day I told Franklin that I wasn't looking for anything serious long distance, and even though he said he was fine I could tell he was somehow affected in a non-positive way! Now i've been trying to get a hold of him so we could just talk and he hasn't been calling me back! I'm so stupid! It's like I pushed him away and that is certainly not what I wanted to do! He really is such a good guy and of course I had to go and fuck it up! I didn't even word how I told him very well. Maybe he's just been busy for the past few days and hasn't had a chance to get back to me...I pray that that is the case!

I am loving Avon! I truly am! The convenience is awesome! For example I stop by my bank to deposit a check and I take an order for a handbag and a pair of shoes! I run into the ups store and meet two ladies who order $60 worth of merchandise! I'm driving in my car on my way to the grocery store and call a friend to see if she saw anything she was interested in buying! So far my next order is very large and growing! This truly is god watching out for me financially right now because he knows that Farmers Furniture has stretched my wallet way too thin!
Also Franklin, the guy I met in Charleston, is driving up and staying with me for 2 nights next week! Way awesome and sexy is he! Really I'm still so shocked about him coming up for many reasons, but I might discuss those later! For now I have to go back to work...I'm only on a lunch break! Booooo!

So I am now 21! Yes indeedy! I know I must start off my blog by giving you the details of my 21st birthday downtown Charlotte. Well Ellen and I went to this awesome club called Crush. This bartender gave us free drinks all night and we had men buy us drinks on occasion. We both got really drunk of course. I made out with 4 different guys and Ellen made out with 2. One man was Yugoslavian and I really couldn't understand what he was saying to me. The only thing I did understand was "Drop your friend off and let me take you to your bed." Of course he was out of luck but you can't blame a guy for trying. Another guy named Joey, and he was really hott...well the yugoslavian was also. Then some guy uhhh I don't know what his name was, but he was obsessed with chewing gum, and last but not least this guy his name is pronounced ( Hi -dro with a rolling R) from Coasta Rica! His friend Nestor (also rolling R) was really hott and him and Ellen made out! They also took us out for breakfast, that is Nestor and Hydro, after we left Crush. Man the music was awesome! They guys were hott and plentiful...not to mention we were drunk from free drinks, so overall i'd say we had an awesome time! We are looking forward to going back again soon! Also the girls weren't like all tiny and cutesy like at Bar Charlotte, and I think having to be over 21 helps with narrowing that down. OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH yeah and I met Ron Jeremy the pornstar (you know the one from the surreal life) and he kissed me on my cheek! As you can see we fully enjoyed ourselves!
Also this weekend Ellen and I went to Charleston/Summerville to enjoy the 4th of July weekend! We stayed with the Oh so Lovely and hilarious Lauren (Black Girl) Gist! We did all kinds of fun things like went to go see Batman at the IMAX, went to the beach, saw fireworks downtown and got really drunk and went to Denny's last night till like 3am. Oh yeah and I made out with this really hott guy named Franklin, who I just met last night! I got to see Maggie (who brought Franklin along for my enjoyment....I owe ya one babe) and much to my surprise she drank with us last night! Recently I have been enjoying the wonderfullness of the Lemon Drop shot! Holy crap is it good, plus it makes me drunk fast! Yayaya! What else....hmmmm.....oh yeah I got to see Camel and that man can pull off some of the wierdest looking headgear. A halo sucks but Camel only makes it look sexy! I love you Camel, even though I know you never read my blog!
Rachel, Ellen and I miss you! We hope you are having a great time up in North Carolina!

SOOOO Sunday I turn the big 21. Tis exciting! Ellen will be coming down to stay with me on Friday night until I suppose Sunday afternoon or Monday morning. Man I really hope we have a good time this weekend. I just realized that I need to go shopping for a sexy outfit that I can wear to the clubs/bars. This week I'm packed with stuff i have to do outside of my job. One important thing on my list is meet with Nancy Polk on Thursday so she can sign me up to sell AVON. Ohhhhh yeah! Even though i'm gonna sell all of the Avon products I think i'm going to try to push the mark line because it has such a young fresh appeal and most of my friends are my age and interested in those new products...or atleast I hope they are! I really need to make some more money this summer cause so far Farmers Furniture is not giving me the return I need. I've been thinking about this whole end of the summer trip that Rachel, Ellen and I are suppose to go on, even though we haven't set any dates yet, and if we take like a week or a week and a half than that means I only have like a month and 2 weeks left to work at Farmers. God doesn't Farmers sound nasty. Like hey I work at Farmers Furniture. Man it grosses me out sometimes. But the downside to me only working there like a month and 2 weeks is uhh that means i have only a month and 2 weeks left of paychecks. GOD NOOOOOOO. I might continue to work there during the Fall. Even though i really really really don't want to. The only thing is I don't think he's going to be flexible with me at all. Like if I tell him I can only work Fridays I feel like he's going to say "I'm trying to run a business here and either you work Fridays and Saturdays every weekend or i'll have to fire you." I'd just have to say "Respectfully sir, then I am turning in my two week notice because school is too important for me to put it second in my life." Even though the truth is I just don't want to do it anymore. I certainly don't want to work Saturdays because then my whole weekend is ruined. Blaaaah. Well depending on how this Avon thing works out I might not have to keep Farmers, even though i'm nervous that I won't get a good recommendation from them if I don't stay into the fall. It would be an extra like $150 a month (with taxes taken out), which could certainly help out! What do you guys think??? Let me know i'm interested to know what you think about it.
Well Erik hasn't called me since our last date! What the heck? Maybe he read on my last blog that Adam Hunt and I were hanging out again and that freaked him out. Maybe it's the fact that i'm a virgin till marriage and he doesn't think he could handle that. Whatever it is I want to know why men go out on first, second and sometimes third dates with me and never call me again. I use to think it was because by then I usually gave them what they wanted and they no longer needed me anymore, but since we didn't even kiss that obviously is the case. Man i'm confused! I don't get it!

Hey i have a favor to ask of you! My friend Camel (formally called Jonathan) from Charleston broke his neck in a car accident. At first his doctor thought he had fractured his neck, but he recently found out that his neck is broken. He is going into surgery on Monday afternoon and will be having a titanium strip screwed into his neck permanently. So if you would just pray that his surgery goes smoothly and he has a relatively easy recovery I would appreciate it. Thanks...I know he will appreciate it! Goodnight.

I'm so confused. I keep having all these dreams about getting married and meeting the one, but the man, well, I can't remember his face. Adam (Hunt) and I have been hanging out since he got back from visiting up north. He's so easy to talk to. He told me last night "you know what? I think we are gonna get back together." Then he said "I love you", which is not abnormal for us to tell each other that, but the way he said it meant a lot. I do love him but there is this big question mark about whether or not he's the one. Everytime I think about us getting back together that brings me these exciting thoughts of our future together, but at the same time I know right now I need space. I need to date other people and just pray about it. I'm such an inpatient person and I know I'm certainly not going to rush back into a relationship with him right now. This blog doesn't even get close to some of the things i'm thinking right now...but i have to go to work so maybe another time!

Hmmm yesterday an exciting thing happened to me. I received lots of mail, one piece was from IIDA (International Interior Design Association of which I am a member of) and they had sent me a Carolinas directory of all the members and there was my name. I seriously didn't think my name would be in it because i'm a student member, but it was and seeing my name in the book kind of assured me of some of my worries. Sometimes when you work a normal job that has nothing to do with what you want to do in the future and your not getting paid great you start, or atleast i have, started worrying that i'm not going anywhere, even though i know this isn't true, but anyways it reassured me that those worries were ridiculous.Whew close one!
I think these worries sprang up because this summer did not work out how i planned at all. Let's see here architecture firm (nope), summer classics (nope), great boyfriend whom i could take short summer vacations with (nope), time with ellen and rachel (well not as much as i'd like cause of my new uncool schedule at work). But me not complaining cause there are new and exciting things that god will bless me with in the near future...i know.
I had a second date with Erik, which went well I believe. :-D Still no kiss though, which is good but still crazy for me. Rachel said once you have your first kiss it's like you've decided to take it to the next level (aka the physical level) and then it's hard to continue to get to know each other. Even though i knew that they way she put was very true. So for now i'm remaining content with how my dates are going because i've been there and done the physical thing way to fast and I know it's not best. Nonetheless I think the third or fourth date are certainly acceptable for kissing so who knows what could happen. So those of you who are wondering well Adam Walls is out of the picture. It was his decision not to call me and there ya go! But I must shower now and get ready to hang out with Darren today on my day off. So ta-ta!

Sigh...blah blah blah...right now I don't feel like playing catch up. So i'm just going to say what's on my mind right now! I miss Charleston! I miss it. Seriously at this moment I'm getting majorly bummed...like teary eyed bummed. I feel kind of angry about it to. Reason number 1 cause my manager was an ass when he found out my other internship backed out on me and number 2 cause somehow this feeling makes me angry at my parents. Number 2 is hard to explain and understand even for me, but thinking about missing Charleston makes me angry at my parents sometimes because they moved away. Also i'm angry because I feel trapped in this job. This is my last summer ever before the real world grasps me and won't let go. Before the 9 to 5 and overtime kicks in. Damn. This summer is not turning out how I wanted it to. What happened to my dreams of working for Little Architecture and getting paid ass loads of money for an intern and what happened to me being able to plan my days off. What happened to me turning 21 and having a blast. My 21st birthday is on a Sunday in South Carolina! Damn. Thank God I live close to Charlotte and I can go drink there on Sunday and Sat night. This summer just isn't going as planned. There are many wonderful things like my roomate who is amazing, and the fact that I had a really big sale yesterday of $5,000 to one person, but at this moment I think my PMS is kicking in and I just felt like bitching. I really do love Charleston. I would kill to have a night down there and just go party and go to Andolini's and drive by the jump house and play jump music in my car real loud and walk down by the market and go to the beach for a nice sunny day. Ok I have to go and put my emotions and myself to bed. Well wait one more thing! You know who i'm talking about mr. emily's big crush...yeah well i'm getting pissed about him too. I mean geez first of all I haven't heard from him since we went to church and out to lunch on Sunday (and I invited him). It's officially Friday as of 19 min. ago so what the hell? I thought the advantage of me dating an older man would be that he would have seen what else is out there and he would realize that i'm a catch, but I guess not. That's always been my theory on older men and yet i've never seen actual proof to support it. Oh yeah and another thing just Wed. morning I placed a burned CD on his car as a surprise with a note saying I hope you have a great day. And ummm where's the Thank You. Even though we've gone out I seriously don't believe he has given me one compliment...oh wait I lied he said I smelled good on the first date, but that was before this other girl broke his heart I suppose. He hasn't tried to flirt with me and trust issues or not you could atleast acknowledge me or something. AAAAAAAAAhhhhh. There is a possible new man...he knows who he is. It's a little too early to tell and he certainly works way too much, but let's just say I want him to cook for me (wink). Sigh! At least he gave me a compliment and said I had pretty eyes. I haven't had attention in a while, if you can't tell, and I think i'm going to starve. Or maybe I just need some sexual healing. Oh man I would kill for a bastard father right about now! Donny where are you???????I don't know what's up with me right now as i'm typing all of this stuff. It's like when you watch a Charmin commercial and just start crying hysterically out of nowhere...that's what this blog has been like, an emotional rollercoaster! Damn PMS!

Went to New Orleans and came back, anything in between doesn't really matter too much. I did see Donny though. Hehe. Tomorrow, I am going out on a second date with Adam Walls and ya'll know i'm getting excited about that. Also, I found out he will no longer be dating that other girl. Everytime I write something in here I sound 13 again, which is partly why I needed to begin a critique of the book i've been reading in my last blog (to make up for the gross hehe's and sighs about him...not to mention all of the nonsense banter). Well folks I did laundry tonight so I must go fold until dreams grasp me for the evening. Ta-ta!

I’m in a state of fantasy right now. My date the other night with you know who went so well, or at least it did in my opinion, and I hope he feels the same but I’m just not sure. I know he’s been dating someone else, which I don’t have a problem with…it just makes me nervous. I think I’m a good judge of character and I can tell he’s a good man. The only problem is that I don’t want to have to make every single move. I will if there is no other option, but at the same time …wooooooo shut up Emily. Sorry I really have to stop myself. You know when your mind is just racing with all of these different thoughts but to get to the point. What is meant to be will be. God will take care of me. I know God will watch over me and give me good advice.
(sigh) Even though I know this is true I still can’t help from thinking about him and wondering if he thought the same thing about me. He is just a hard person to read. I’ve begun to over analyze, which I tend to do when I get impatient (which is quite often). I knew that being alone in my car for 12 hours the day after our 1st date would only cause me to build up more feelings and of course it did. (sigh)
On a much lighter and more serious note at the same time, I’ve begun reading Cradle to Cradle, a book about environmentally friendly design. It’s not fun reading whatsoever but none the less it’s been interesting. What I’ve read so far has just been kind of, I don’t know, pessimistic. The point isn’t let’s get better about how we treat the environment it’s more like we aren’t doing anything right and the only way we can do the world justice is if we redesign everything to live like we did back in the stone age. I mean the message isn’t that extreme but the problem I am having with this book is that they are saying we need to create this whole new world where everything can be recycled, not down cycled like everything is right now. Meaning that one shoe can be recycled into another shoe and not one shoe recycled into a third of a new shoe. It forces the perspective of ‘what will people in 600 years have left if we keep going at the rate we are going?’ When I think about recycling and trying to save the environment I never thought about it as that broad. I’ve always just thought “well I want my grandchildren to live in a safe and beautiful world” but I’ve never thought that far ahead before, which is good. Although that is a very worthy cause to want to save what God gave us, at the same time their message just seems so extreme. I believe one day we will have that kind of technology and I think that is important but right now we need to be looking for better solutions to problems so that in the future we can create that technology. The writers just don’t seem to believe in any in between. They keep talking about how everyone is consuming so much and basically we should just be living off of pure needs. Unfortunately that will never happen! Now look who’s the pessimist? No I’m just trying to say that to get to the point where we should be at is going to take work and it’s going to take a bunch of design that is only better than what we had before to technologically advance into what we should be, but I believe that their goal is very admirable and should be what we are all working towards. That is my semi-intelligent two cents for the month.

So last night I had my big date with Adam. Wow, we really did have a good time! I was afraid that I had kind of built up this big crush on him and on our date I would be let down, but that was not the case. I was happy to find out that we are both two big dorks. Who wants a man that thinks he's the coolest thing that ever hit the earth? Certainly not me! They can take their big heads and shove it!. But yeah we hung out on the Roddey porch for a while then went to El Cancun and later went down to the Winthrop lake and laid out on the dock to see the stars. Then he took me back to his place to show me this drawing he was working on and gave me the grand tour of his surprisingly cute apartment. The night was capped off by him walking me across the street and giving me a hug. Yeah although it did make me wonder about whether or not he truly had a good time, I really felt like that was the best way to end it. I haven't been on a date that didn't end in a kiss in like wow well let's just say it's been a long while. I hope if we go out again and we find the perfect moment. Well it's like 6 something in the morning and I'm about to begin my drive soon to New Orleans so everybody say a little prayer that I get home and back safely. Ta-ta everyone!

Tonight I'm going out with you know who! Everyone say a little prayer for me that I have a good date and that I have a safe drive home to New Orleans tomorrow! I miss my ladies already! Ha ha but I will be seeing Donny this weekend! Sigh, what a crazy mother f**ker. Ta-ta!

So today was a really amazing day! My one day off of my new crazy summer schedule. I woke up at 7:30am in G-vegas and drove back to the thrill so I could go to my church. Church was great as always! Afterwards I went to Panera with Adam (Hunt) and I began to truly understand what his situation is like right now. He really is in a lot of pain for various reasons. He wrote me this amazing e-mail, which I didn’t even know about till today, and everything he said in the e-mail was perfectly worded and was exactly what I needed to know.
After Panera I took an amazing nap for like 6 hours. Hehe! Sigh…it felt so nice! Then I just had tea on the Roddey Porch and relaxed. It was so amazing outside today! I love that porch. I think it keeps me sane. It’s the one place where I can go to smoke a cigarette and just breathe. Sometimes I do some deep thinking out there and sometimes I enjoy just letting my mind go blank for a while.
I still haven’t heard from you know who…which makes me sad (frowny face). Usually people say if you haven’t heard from someone within 3 days after you give them your number than they aren’t planning on calling you, or at least that’s a general rule of dating. I hope I do get a call from him.
Will Hoge last night was awesome! I’m adding it to my list as ONE OF the best concerts I’ve ever been to. Rock on Will.

Whew! Ok guys...I did it. I asked out the guy I had a crush on! I had butterflies like I was in 6th grade. I haven't had butterflies in years and years. Boy I know I totally embarrassed myself, but atleast the situation is out of my hands, which is a relief. So he has my number and if he is interested he can call me, so the ball is in his court. Crazy! I'm such a dork...I can't believe I had the guts to do it.
Ne ways today was a pretty good day at work! We were a little busier and I tried to keep busy to make the time fly by quicker.
Wow I can't believe I asked him out! I hope I didn't scare him!
Sigh...so I think I'm going to tell Camas Associates (my internship people in Charlotte) that i'm gonna work 12 or 1 to 5pm on monday's and tuesday's, which hopefully will be okay with them. I just will only have off on Sunday and even then I can't sleep in because of church...so basically I have not one single day when I will be able to sleep in June and July, unless I tell Camas that I can only work the 12 to 5 thing...ya know. I mean it's my last summer and I don't want to be waking up every morning at 7am or 8:45am...cause that would suck! Major booty! And it's the summer I turn 21 so I want to be able to party a little.
This Saturday night I think Ellen and I are gonna go stay with Rachel in G-vegas to see Will Hoge at the Handlebar! And then i'm gonna get up early sun. to drive back to go to church....cause I seriously miss going!
I'm gonna hit the sheets early.

Last night I did not sleep very well, unfortunately. I woke up at like 4am and couldn't get back to sleep until like 7am. I dunno my body was just in pain. But today ended up being a not so bad day. Today was my first day at work, which went pretty smoothly. Very very slow business, which makes me nervous since i'll be working off of commission, but I know God will take care of me! Tonight I went to the gym with Kim. Man I love her! She is such a cool chick. We always have a good time hanging out and we always have a lot to talk about. After the gym we went back to my apartment so I could grab some dinner and then we went to the Rock Hill Roasting Company to hang out, which was fun. Man my body has just been exhausted lately, it might have something to do with me jogging/walking 3 miles the past few times I went to the gym. I know my body isn't use to that, so I hope it's just that and not me getting sick. BOOOOO, I sure hope not. Tonight I took the most amazing shower. Sigh. Not in a sick way, but thankfully my shower has hardcore water pressure to ease some of my aches and pains.
What else? Oh yes! Oh dear for those of you who know me, you know who i'm referring to, but I have begun to have a crush on someone. I'm kind of nervous, but I think I'm just gonna ask him out the next time I see him...and hopefully that will be soon cause my nerves are going kinda crazy about doing it.
I'm still healing or trying to about the whole break up with Adam and I know that God has given me amazing friends to lean on. Thanks god...I owe ya...again! Hehe. Night guys!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. Damn it. What the hell? Why? If I would have known the first day I met her, what a living hell she would turn my life into I would have punched her in the face. Her thin long figure and crooked smile! Her soft voice…..FUCK you Katherine! I hope your happy….you won. Yeah you did! I must have been to heavy set and level headed for him. Enjoy your fucking political conversations and your FUTURE together.
Damn it Adam. I miss you! I’m so torn right now! Sometimes I want to call you but I get sick to my stomach thinking that you’re with her. I’ve completely distracted myself from my feelings for so long and I’ve gone by with shedding very few tears….but in the end silence wins out and the tears have only truly begun to fall. I’m sure if you read this you would think I’ve gone crazy because I said I was at peace with how it ended, but not anymore. Peace left really quickly. I think it left actually when she came into the whole picture. I think it left when he began telling me half truths. I think that my peace is spit on every time I picture you with her. What happened to us? What happened to starting off small? What happened to you making jokes that my father still wouldn’t approve of us getting married even if we’d been dating for 10 years? What happened to the Adam that use to take me out, even though he hated it? What happened to us laughing together, while I acted like a bird in the halls of Roddey? What happened?
With every argument (and really there weren’t that many) I realized just how capable I was. How strong I was. Within our relationship I had a chance to discover who I was? I’m grateful for everything, but at the same time I’m so confused. Today something told me that this was just a break and in a few years, after you matured and had plenty of time to think about things, that we would both realize just how amazing our love is and we’d end up together. Whether that happens or not I know that god will work everything out.
Part of me thinks there is nothing salvageable for a friendship. Part of me thinks that if I tried having a friendship with you, it would only be A. to make you jealous or B. to seduce you back into a relationship. And then there is a major part of me that says if I don’t become friends with you I’ll lose you forever and that would hurt more than anything. All of those different parts are fighting with the idea that I don’t want him to have it all. I don’t want him to have a relationship with her and have me as a friend. I want to make him chose just to let him know that he can’t have everything, but unfortunately I know I’d lose. It’s like that Angie Aparo song “Could you cry a little? Die just a little, pretend that you’re feeling a little more pain?”
So I think I’ve pretty much covered every negative emotion in the book; jealousy (of course), heartbreak, anger, disappointment, revenge, heartbreak, heartbreak, heartbreak.

Please everyone excuse this post! For the most part I have acted like a responsible adult since my break up with Adam….but this, well this is just long over due. I am entitled the right to let my feelings loose.

Sigh! Yeah most of you are aware that I am single again! Adam and I are no longer Damily. It’s been so weird. We had all of these great plans for the summer, we were even fantasizing about taking a cruise together…although we all know that would never have happened it was fun to dream. The craziest thing though is that Ellen is single again…..and yes Rachel is single again too. The three of us all without men at the same time? Is that even possible? It’s kind of freeing and exciting and scary at the same time. I know that there is someone out there for each of us, there better be because we aren’t keeping our virginity for nothing. All three of us have different ways that we are handling it. Me, well I’m not wasting any time to get back into the dating game or to finding The One. Adam sure did move on pretty fast. He didn’t even wait like 3 days till he officially was with Katherine, and I think that’s been the hardest thing for me. Break-ups are hard enough as it is, but add in the fact that he says he “loves” another girl…..its just crazy. Oh yeah and he’s already mentioned their future…what the hell? Men and spring fever piss me off. Seriously, I thought Adam was the one, and I most certainly slept well at night knowing that he was faithful to me and our relationship, but in the end I guess he wasn’t the person I thought he was. He has pretty much proved to be untrustworthy and sneaky, but at the same time somehow I know deep down inside that he is still a good man, but the way things ended sure does make things complicated. As Rachel once said “Well I think I’m just gonna let Jesus be my boyfriend for awhile.” Poor Rachel I know she’s going through a tough time because she was engaged to Chris and they really did spend so much time together. He just isn’t the person he used to be….unfortunately he went from one extreme to the other. Rachel needs a man that is a happy medium and won’t try to control her every move and thought. She deserves so much better.
As for dear Ellen of course she deserves someone better than Hector, right now she doesn’t think she will find anybody better, but Rachel and I know better. And she needs to stop being so stubborn about not dating people. She’s like a hot men magnet; to deprive herself is just sad and only hurting her more.
Ladies you know I love you and I’m so glad we all have each other to get through the good and the bad. I couldn’t have asked God for better friends. On that note it’s obvious that I’m gonna start blogging again. I’m actually about to leave to go to Spartanburg to stay with my girls and to get out of this town. So talk to y’all later!

Muah ha ha ha ha! I have kept you all in suspense as to my life story for the past few months. I know you are all anxious to find out what is going on with me so i will give you a small and brief synopsis. The design studio....again, has consumed my life, but don't worry I try to make everyone laugh so spirits will remain high. As for Adam and I, we are still together and everything is going swimingly. Yes, I am so crazy in love with him, and we've even had a few of those (dun dun dun) convo's about the future, which as most of you know excite me. Still living in a serene location, next to the old Brazil Apartments (yeah, basically the lot of rubble). Blah Blah Blah you basically know what's up.
Unfortunately some of my friends don't think that I am crazy and fun anymore. Boo to that idea! Little do they know just how rowdy I get when I am here with my Design buddies. I am still crazy...I promise! Actually, I just flew around the CAD lab on a simulated cloud that I created in my mind. Don't even try to sell my floating cloud idea cause i will come to find you! You know what? I'm so sick of Dinkins! It just doesn't satisfy me....yeah, it's come down to mere satisfaction ratings. Oh yeah and also with the whole crazy thing I also last night, started going wild by dancing for myself and several other innocent friends. Sometimes Constance doesn't want to watch me dance naked, and I get sad.
Yesterday I went with Rachel to the Rock Hill Mall....and it was depressing! I hate that I can't fit into clothes from all the cool store...let alone anywhere uncool. And I hate buying clothes cause they feel like a reward for something that I shouldn't be rewarded for! Ne ways on a more positive note I have lost 5.4 lbs since the begininng of January. It's not really that much, but I was definitely surprised, since I ate Hot and Ready Little Ceaser's pizza 3x last week, with McDonald's once, and Taco Bell once! Hey don't hate it was a busy week! But ne ways yeah 5.4 lbs i'm not sure how i pulled that off, but cooooooo. Well I am in the Cad lab right now for a class, so I should probably get something done! Everyone I honestly hope to keep writing more....so come back and check me out again soon!
Love the Em