I arrived at the House of Blues got a ticket and half a pack of cigarettes and a few tic tacs later i had been throughly rocked. Toby Lightman started the night off, and man she was sooooo awesome. She had the voice of the Borrowed Angels mixed with awesome lyrics and just holy crap it's good stuff. Go check it out http://www.tobylightman.com
And then Marc Broussard followed, and was really awesome. I love his song "Where you are." Gavin was good. He was definitely hotttttttt, but i don't know...i felt like he didn't relate to the audience as much as the first two, yet was still really good.
I don't regret going by myself a bit. Adam talked with me on the phone while i was walking back to my car alone (hint on the streets of downtown New Orleans aka crazytown). Yeah thanks babe.
I never want to decide against doing something fun just because i don't have anybody to go with me. Venturing out on my own is exciting. I definitely would have paid more than a mere $14 if i knew how good the show was going to be. My feet are exausted though. And i'm about to go hit my comfy sheets. Darn i really wish i didn't have to work tom. morning. Night folks.

So tonight is the Gavin Degraw concert!!! I'm excited about it, even though i'd rather be going with somebody as oppose to by myself. It's ok though. I need to get more comfortable venturing out on my own. It'll be fun smoking half a pack of cigarettes without anybody whining about it. I am aware that i need to cut back for a while. So AFTER tonight i am not allowing myself to smoke another cigarette until my drive back to school. It's not like i'm addicted but i'm smart enough to know that i have to be carefull about it.

Limbo is described in Webster's Dictionary as  "an intermediate or transitional place or state/ a state of uncertainty ." I'm in major Limbo cause i'm simply counting down days till i go back to school...back to my real life. I've been thinking about next summer. My parents just assume i'm coming home next summer, but i'm thinking about taking out a bigger loan in the spring and using the money to get a tiny dumpy apartment in Atlanta and getting a paid internship at a Design or Architecture Firm. Or maybe living with my old friend Leslie in St. Pete and interning in Tampa. If anybody wants to share a shitty hole in the wall apartment with me next summer and live on the edge let me know.
Ya know i know when people get into relationships they are scared to write on-line journals cause their significant others could read them. And often it's just such a vulnerable place to let all your feelings and thoughts go, that people get frightened of hurting other people's feelings. Well that isn't going to happen with me. It's just a little declaration of my independence!!!! But with that said I think i use pretty good judgement!
On another note, Adam said that there is a possibility he could be going to Iraq in January for over a year. It is scary but i just have to trust God that he will work everything out just like he intended it too. We were at TJ Quills talking about if that happened if i would "wait for him" but i basically said that i thought it would be better if we went our seperate ways until he came back, but still kept in contact a lot while he was away. I know that, he's worried i'll find someone else if he goes to war but it just wouldn't be logical for me to wait that long for someone who i've only been with for a few months. Does that make sense or am i crazy? I dunno maybe i am, but anyway this topic is being dropped as of now. What i can say is that i'm really glad that we are together now,  i'm excited to see what is going to happen to our relationship in the future, and i'm the lucky one for sure! This is Emily Becker signing off! Stay Classy San Francisco!

Damnit i just wrote a blog and it was erased! I hate when that happens. Well this week has been amazing. My time with Adam was Sweet, Romantic, Fun, Exciting, and defintely Goofy. I admit that i wasn't sure as to how this week would go, but it went very very very well. I already miss him. Please excuse my next few comments cause i know they will sound like i just walked out of a middle school. I kept saying to him "Wow you're my boyfriend" and he would reply "Yeah and your my girlfriend". It just sounded so strange, ya know being that i haven't had a boyfriend in a long time. I definitely feel a little more comfortable knowing that i'm not Looking, if ya know what i mean, for other men. It's strange thinking that along with my list of being a sister, daughter, best friend, i just added the word girlfriend onto that list. Well folks i hope this saves! Night to y'all.

So guess what peoples? Emily Becker is officially off the market right now. I have a boyfriend with whom i am exclusive. Strange huh? Yeah it's gonna take some time to get use to it, but i do enjoy it. Adam had been wanting this for a while, but i like to take things slow. Yesterday though, i took him to Nola's (an Emeril Lagassee restaurant down town) and told him that i was ready to stop seeing other people and just focus on our relationship. He is such a nice guy and i'm lucky to have him.  I still want to take things slow though...ya know? One thing i have learned is that as much as i'm a hopeless romantic...I'm scared of getting into relationships. It's like the great unknown to me. In the past i just usually found something wrong the guy i was seeing and then moved on to the next. Who knows what will happen in the future, but no matter what we'll be friends. I even took down my personal ad on yahoo. Rachel, as always, was very encouraging. What would i do without my sista's?? Ellen dear i hope your having fun in France, tell Mary i said hello. Well folks wish me some luck because i'm gonna need it...cause i'm crrrrraaaaazy.

Do you ever feel like you it's so hard to get in touch with God. Like you know the holy spirit's out there somewhere, but you feel like you're always missing it. This morning I decided to go to another church hoping that they would have a more contemporary service and the spirit would be there. When i got there i realized the spirit wasn't there. It was dull. Nobody was paying attention to the sermon, and that even if they tried it was really hard to concentrate because there were so many rowdy kids in the service. But the thing is about rowdy kids is...they are gods children too and they deserve to be there just as much as me.
Two rows ahead of me there was this retarded woman with her mother. Everyone in the church, before the service, was so friendly with her. I realized that was God, and when the woman put her arm around her mother during the service that was Jesus. That was Jesus right there 2 rows in front of me. The little girl behind me lining up her dolls on the pew...her eyes of innocence are Jesus.
Do you ever get something really wonderful in your life and think oh man this is gonna take a lot of praying for god to let me keep him?

Oh Dear
Last night i had a bad dream...a really bad dream. It was about me getting married to someone i wasn't sure was the one. Now dreams are scattered but i'm going to try and make paint the picture for you.
I remembered this extravagent affair and afterwards we ducked into our apartment and we started kissing on the bed. Next thing i know like a month later we are fighting and he is holding things from my past against me, i'm not sure what they were but they had something to do with difficulties about our apartment. He is holding some musical instrument and sitting in a corner. I went over to him and told him, "Hey why don't we inspire each other...you know why don't we both encourage each other to write...we need to support one another." And out of nowhere he mentioned something about me moving out. I left the apartment and some girls in the hall that had over heard my fight with him led me to a secret place in the apartment to see the paperwork on my apartment and if he had a date on which he was going to, as the girls said, "throw me out on my ass". While looking through the papers we found a date. It was a month before i was suppose to go back to school, which was weird cause it was like i wasn't in school, but ne ways. So after i found the paperwork i went over my Mom and Dad's house, and broke the news about the prospect of a divorce, and they were devistated...especially Mom. Ne ways they offered a place for me to stay but i said i couldn't because i didn't have enough privacy living with them, and they understood. So i went home and my husband wasn't there. The wierd thing about this dream though was it was like i couldn't remember if we actually had sex. I kept praying that we didn't, because that would mean that i saved myself for nothing. SO ne ways i went back to the apartment and i saw my husband on the staircase, and i ravaged him and started giving him head. I figured that maybe he felt regected because i didn't give him enough affection. As other people walked by i realized that we needed to move so we took it inside the apartment. While giving him head my mother came in the apartment. We were in the bedroom so she didn't see us, but i was sloppy and she just busted in without even a knock. She started setting up this fax copier thing in our living room. And then she left. Then she called me a little later to ask what i wanted for my 20th birthday party, and i told her i wanted a bottle of Bacardi, a bottle of Green Apple Puckers and some martini glasses. With a little hesitation she agreed, but i had to convinced her that i was adult enough to handle it. After that it was like that was it i was getting divorced, and the same day i found out about it i was at this party, and some how my apartment turned into this huge mansion and i had hot neighbors hitting on my asking me out. One of which was italian and trying to make me laugh by putting women's underwear on his head?????/ Yeah i know so ne ways that's when i woke up. But how sad getting married to someone and getting divorced soon there after. I'm so scared i'm gonna end up with the wrong person.