Well here it is! The day that i started being 20, and i must say i feel fabulous. Pretty much everything in my life is going great. I'm talking as far as the direction of my future. I'm in school working on my degree, saving myself for marriage, still fun, working a summer job for money, a bunch of great friends that mean the world to me, and of course there are things i wish were going better but there will always be. I know i'm truly blessed by my father in heaven.

Yesterday i was talking to the one the only Rachel and I was telling her about this horrible date that i went on on Monday, and that got us talking about all my crazy past internet dating experiences. And i giggle when i tell you this now, but she suggested that i write a book about all my experiences.
What if i did it? Seriously what if i did it? It wouldn't be so that i could turn from a Nancy Brown, into a fabulous Barbara Novak...but simply turn me into a published me. It's such a crazy and yet such a "holy shit what if i did it?" thought.
Could i do it? If you have any opinions e-mail me at plutters13@hotmail.com.

So things at work are looking up. Most of the people there seem to like me. There are...you know a few people you can't ever please no matter what, and then there are those who like to tease with ya and make work a fun place to be. Who wouldn't enjoy the latter more? Buisness at work has been picking up, which means more tips, so that's good.
Guess what folks...i did it. I joined a gym for the summer. I went for the first time on thurs. and had a good time. I haven't had time to go back...yet. But believe me i will.
Abbey is in a show, so i'm gonna go see that soon. We haven't really hung out at all, except for the first night she got back from school, but since then it's like she's vanished.
I do miss the kids from camp. They were so much fun, and it felt good setting a good example for kids. Ya know hanging out with them and having them turn to you for advice on boys, and problems.

Man this Sat. night Will Hoge is playing in Mobile AL. I really want to go...but i don't have anybody who would want to go with me. It's ok though...if it was meant to be..it will be..if not than that's ok too. Hey if ya go to the John Mayer site his song Clarity plays...and i've become addicted to it. I play it over and over when i'm on-line. You should check it out folks.

"I worry i wait three times, my body. I worry, i throw my fear around. but This morning there is a calm i can't explain. The rock candy has melted, only diamonds now remain.
By the time i recognize this moment this moment will be gone.
But i will bend the light and pretend that it somehow lingered on.
And i will wait to find. If this will last forever..and i will wait to find, if this will last forever, and i will pay no mind but it won't and it won't cause it can't it just can't it's not suppose to. there's not a second a time i look around ...
is anything enough to kiss the ground and say she is here now and i am here now. So much wasted in the afternoon. So much sacred in the month of june, how bout you? Oh?
ANd i will wait to find if this will last forever and i will wait to find....that it won't and it won't and i won't pay no mind...worry about no rainy weather and i won't waste no time..bringing in our lives together." John Mayer (Clarity)

I know that my true love will come and i don't have to worry...and i should "waste no time...bringing in our lives together."
Ok i'm gonna be honest here...i miss Adam so much. It's like when we were at school together, it's like i got addicted to seeing him, being with him, taking afternoon naps with him after lunch...burping in front of him, being around him looking like i just stepped out of a dumpster, aka the studio. I can't wait to see him again. But occasionally i wonder if part of it is in my mind. Now hear me out first...this isn't negative just...i don't want to grow to much on the fact that i miss him like ...start forming thoughts that aren't real. Ok that prob. didn't make any sense. Well last summer i talked to Micheal all summer and i felt like when i went back in the fall we were really just gonna have a great time together and hit if off, when in fact i went back to school and we had a couple of good dates and then...he started acting like a jerk. It's easy to talk to somebody on the phone for a long period of time, and not really be learning about who they are and what they are about, and yet feelings start growing regaurdless. Either way i know Adam is defintely not a jerk. Thinking about how that one day he sat me down on the bed and pulled up a chair across from me to tell me we couldn't see each other anymore. I dunno but something about that thought makes me want to cry and laugh at the same time. Cry because i can't remember the last guy who actually cared enough about me to explain why he didn't want to see me, who cared that much about me period. And Laugh because he called 3 times later on that day and came over and we had such a fun night.
When i think about Adam coming to see me...i picture me barefoot running out to his car pulling up in front of the house and, i dunno, us just running around like little kids.

Rachel and Ellen i miss you guys. Ellen you better not leave for France until you give me a call to say goodbye, and till you go to Bucky's house to ravage him cause dear you know i need some juicy details. Hehe.
If you're reading this blog...do me one thing...keep it real. Not Chappelle keepin it real...but just real real!?????? (shrug) I dunno?

You know i'm starting to get real...depressed. I haven't been like this all day...just within the past 5 min. (u know women crazy emotions). I might have something to do with the fact that when i'm at work i'm constantly pumping myself with soda and when i come home i'm in shock from not having any. I miss my little girl...Stan. Don't really feel like typing so i'm gonna run!!!

How do i start off a blog like this one?
So previously in my last few posts i had mentioned that i started seeing this guy Clay. We both seemed like we had fun with each other. Unfortunately things tonight took a dramatic turn. He basically said that because we couldn't have sex he didn't want to continue the relationship oh yeah and by the way this came right after we had fooled around and i was laying in his bed. So i got up put on my clothes and left. I'm such an idiot! How do i get myself into situations like this? And i'm even dumber because i seriously thought he might chase after me. I kept looking in my rear view mirror thinking i would see him any minute trying to pull me over. Isn't that rediculous? A part of me knows that i'm worth it for somebody to chase me...too bad that whoever those guys might be I never seem to run into them. Ok i know that's not true and you know who you are mr. teletubby.
I'm just depressed because i felt like clay and i were gonna have a lot of fun together this summer...and now we can't for the sole reason that i can't have sex with him? Plus i'm so freakin sexually frustrated...and whenever i run into a situation like this with a guy I always end up feeling used.
Thank you God for keeping me grounded even when i run into sticky situations. Thank you that i'm not even in the least bit tempted to have sex before i'm married. Thank you for helping me to save the biggest present of all for my future husband and i know that on my wedding night when my husband and i form one body the wait will be well worth it.