Okay...must vent about men. So there is this man and for all confidential purposes he will be called Mr.Z from here on out. Anyways, Mr. Z is very complimentary, which I love and hate. Temporarily I love it, but then I hate it because it sends me mixed signals. Mr. Z knows that I like him, however he is not interested. I find myself spiraling down into high school crush plotting. Pondering the "if onlys" have gotten out of control. For example, if only I could lose enough weight than he would like me, but then I wonder if I would enjoy the revenge of not reciprocating the feelings if that happened. Here is a new "what if" that I just created tonight...are you ready?....what if I stopped hanging out with him and our conjoined friends for like a month...would he care or even, better yet, would he notice?
Either way I am ridiculous. I'm not saying that I have it all together, but I enjoy who I am and I don't get why he doesn't. What is wrong with me? The angered part of me convinces myself that I deserve better, but in the end it doesn't help. Partially, I know it is just that I'm use to getting men's attention and to know that I won't ever get that kind of attention from him drives me crazy. I never have crushes on typical sexy men for exactly that reason...I can't stand the rejection so I push them away to guard myself. When I really stop to think about his personality I don't even think it would mesh with mine.
Sighhh...what if I purposely ignore him for a long period of time?
Stupid...
I am thinking like such an immature child, which is not usually like me. Geez, this is pathetic.
Moving on!!! (Yeah, I'm throwing a party about it too.) Great news with my thesis! I actually get to choose who is on my thesis committee, which is awesome! I also just sent all of my stuff off for a sustainable hospitality design competition of a timeshare. The prize is $5,000 and so say some prayers for me that I win!
Where is an armpit when ya need one to crawl into ...or an Ellen bosom to snuggle up with? Calling all slice girls (mainly 60's porn star slice and bacon slice) - save all fun times for the next week to be released in Charlotte.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Question for the male population? Why is it that when I talk to men I bring out the "I want to settle down and have babies" convo, but then never get to reap the benefits of said outcomes? This is strange, but I am reflecting on a few deep conversations this past year where I have been interested in someone...they open up about the "settling down" issue and then no action? Honestly, I guess I have done this to people to...so maybe I shouldn't be complaining. So I guess maybe the answer lies within myself. Why have I done this to others with no action? It is either because there is no chase, but more than likely they weren't the right person for me. So does that mean that I was not the right fit for those few with whom conversations were had? Logic nor theory will be able to define this.
Today was what I from now on will refer to as "the begininng of the end" otherwise known as my thesis meeting. Neurons are still firing in my brain about what exactly I need to do from here. Confusion is still abundant in my weak and weary brain. Maybe I should ask for a doctor's note to get out of doing this crazy piece of work? If anyone knows of any doctors willing to provide back up please let me know.
So a little revealing is needed to be painfully honest. A recent crush sent me on a whirlwind of high to low emotions that left me feeling all but fulfilled and hopeful. At first I thought it was just games being played, but then I came to the unpleasant realization that it was just a general disinterest. This information has not been confirmed, but plans to "abandon ship" in hope of saving feelings are underway. Oh how I wish it were that easy.
My diet (or rather life plan) is going pretty well. I had a few slippery days surrounding this weekend with the superbowl and such, but I am back to normal. The plan to quit smoking is not quite as easy as I'd hoped. Progress is definitely being made in both areas though.
Good old mom called me and left me this message saying that she was at a greek restaurant where all of the little girls there were dressed up and with their fathers for date night. This incidence made her think of my father and I going out on date nights. It was always fun because daddy and I would get all dressed up and usually he let me choose where to eat, which as a kid was usually Pizza Hut. He would open doors for me, treating me like a young lady, and we would have conversations about what was going on in my life with boys and friends and he would open up about his feelings with his job or mom. Smart move on his part because, with me being pretty rebellious and him being tightly wound, it would soften both of our hearts to each others situations. I also think that having this time with him gave me expectations of being treated like a lady on real dates. My father is not perfect, but neither am I and though our relationship still has a few snags I respect him for his soft heart. I hope that if I ever have a little girl, my husband will take her on some amazing heartfelt dates.
Today was what I from now on will refer to as "the begininng of the end" otherwise known as my thesis meeting. Neurons are still firing in my brain about what exactly I need to do from here. Confusion is still abundant in my weak and weary brain. Maybe I should ask for a doctor's note to get out of doing this crazy piece of work? If anyone knows of any doctors willing to provide back up please let me know.
So a little revealing is needed to be painfully honest. A recent crush sent me on a whirlwind of high to low emotions that left me feeling all but fulfilled and hopeful. At first I thought it was just games being played, but then I came to the unpleasant realization that it was just a general disinterest. This information has not been confirmed, but plans to "abandon ship" in hope of saving feelings are underway. Oh how I wish it were that easy.
My diet (or rather life plan) is going pretty well. I had a few slippery days surrounding this weekend with the superbowl and such, but I am back to normal. The plan to quit smoking is not quite as easy as I'd hoped. Progress is definitely being made in both areas though.
Good old mom called me and left me this message saying that she was at a greek restaurant where all of the little girls there were dressed up and with their fathers for date night. This incidence made her think of my father and I going out on date nights. It was always fun because daddy and I would get all dressed up and usually he let me choose where to eat, which as a kid was usually Pizza Hut. He would open doors for me, treating me like a young lady, and we would have conversations about what was going on in my life with boys and friends and he would open up about his feelings with his job or mom. Smart move on his part because, with me being pretty rebellious and him being tightly wound, it would soften both of our hearts to each others situations. I also think that having this time with him gave me expectations of being treated like a lady on real dates. My father is not perfect, but neither am I and though our relationship still has a few snags I respect him for his soft heart. I hope that if I ever have a little girl, my husband will take her on some amazing heartfelt dates.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
